2013 has been one hell of a year. It's rollicked forward at such a pace we as a race have struggled to even notice good things have happened at literally every twist and turn, contrary to everything the laws of both of chance and sod have taught us. Unless you're Rolf Harris, you're probably leaning back right now, sighing and whimpering "What a great year" whilst you mop your brow with a hand-stitched handkerchief. If you are Rolf Harris, I'm sorry mate. I was on your side.
As I'm sure you worked out, I am about to list my five favourite things that happened to me in the year that historians will remember as being 2013. It's a deeply personal list, and that's not even a joke. There are things on there that will mean nothing to most people, but if I said "Chelsea won the Champions League!" was a personal highlight in order to appeal to the populist opinion, then I would be lying. Besides, Chelsea didn't win the Champions League this year, so I'd be lying twice. That would be very wrong. It may just be the thing that shifts the balance in favour of an eternity yet to come being spent in the damnation that is hell. At least I'd get to spend it with Rolf Harris. Here's a list.
Tuesday, 31 December 2013
The Film Scoring List Thing II: The Revenge
It's 2013! That means I need a new list of every film I see this year! Last time out, it started of as being quite a slow thing that wouldn't get updated much. Then I bought a Cineworld Unlimited Card. I went on to sit through 113 screenings, including 93 different films, over the course of 65 visits to the picture house in 12 months. This year, I'd like to break 100 different films. That's my target. So expect this to be updated alarmingly reguarly once I reach the end of January and suddenly have a free-time explosion.
Les Miserables: 6/10- Full-on sing-song spectacle.
The Impossible: 6/10- Who needs five words? Devastating.
Zero Dark Thirty: 8/10- And Best Picture goes to...
Quartet: 5/10- Conneley makes an endearing pervert.
The Last Stand: 5/10- As bad as you'd hope.
Movie 43: 1/10- An embarrassment to cinemas everywhere.
A Good Day To Die Hard: 2/10- Stupid, soulless soporific consumerist tripe.
Wreck-It Ralph: 8/10- 100 minutes of 8-bit grinning.
Warm Bodies: 7/10- Zombio and Juliet. Great fun.
Beautiful Creatures: 7/10- Think Twilight with sharper dialogue.
Hitchcock: 5/10- Better than The Girl, anyway.
Lincoln: 8/10- I'd watch three more hours.
Searching for Sugarman: 8/10- An amazing story deservidly told.
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters: 3/10- Clumsily shot and messily written.
Broken City: 5/10- Good until the plot explodes.
I Give It a Year: 5/10- Interesting idea, doesn't work. Shrug.
Mama: 5/10- An ironically solid ghost movie.
Django Unchained: 6/10- Good thing, waaaaaaay too much.
Robot & Frank: 7/10- Robot heist on charm offensive
Monsters, Inc.: 9/10- God, I love that film.
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone: 6/10- Passes the six-laugh test.
Oz: The Great and the Powerful: 6/10- A reboot that actually cares.
The Croods: 5/10- Technically sound and soundly hollow.
Side Effects: 7/10- It's bonkers. I loved it.
Identity Thief: 4/10- Hahaha. Look, a fat lady.
Compliance: 1/10- Dubiously-motivated misogynist exploitation drivel.
Jack the Giant Slayer: 5/10- Meh. Bill Nighy criminally underused.
The Paperboy: 7/10- Odd yet compelling. Effron's great.
Trance: 7/10- Bargain Hunt meets Christopher Nolan
GI Joe: Retaliation: 4/10- Stupid, but so, so bizarre.
In The House: 8/10- Incredible. Thoughtful, pacey and inspiring.
The Odd Life of Timothy Green: 6/10- Shut up. I liked it.
The Host: 4/10- No Twilight or Truman Show.
Spring Breakers: 8/10- Words cannot describe Spring Breakers.
Scary Movie 5: 4/10- Decent jokes, talentless writers. Wasted.
The Place Beyond The Pines: 6/10- Brilliant first act, then meh.
Iron Man 3: 7/10- Very well-written. I'm impressed.
Bernie: 5/10- Black comedy without the comedy.
Love Is All You Need: 6/10- My favourite Danish Brosnan romcom.
All Stars: 6/10- Surprisingly good fun. Great cameos.
Chimpanzee: 5/10- Pleasant viewing. Not exactly gripping.
Olympus Has Fallen: 3/10- Olympus Has Fallen Asleep, probably
Star Trek Into Darkness: 6/10- I want more Benedict Cumberbatch.
Epic: 5/10- I want more Chris O'Dowd.
The Great Gatsby: 7/10- One man's (admittedly entertaining) take.
Populaire: 6/10- Must type these words quicker...
Summer in February: 5/10- Go back to BBC Two.
Man of Steel: 5/10- Great first hour. Snoozeworthy second.
Stuck in Love: 6/10- Lots to like. Mildly depressing.
The Purge: 4/10- Strong concept, clumsy execution. Shame.
Now You See Me: 6/10- Entertaining. Can't ask for more.
This Is The End: 6/10- Satan possessing Jonah Hill = Funny
Behind The Candelabra: 7/10- Too gay for America. Recommended.
The East: 5/10- Passable but ultimately forgettable thriller
Hummingbird: 5/10- Irreverent yet hard-hitting fun.
The Internship: 5/10- Mildly amusing product placement bombardment
Despicable Me 2: 7/10- Bottom. *Giggles for 90 minutes*
The Bling Ring: 7/10- A very smartly directed film.
World War Z: 5/10- Dead behind the eyes. Forgettable.
Monsters University: 6/10- Wasn't Monsters Inc. so great?
Pacific Rim: 7/10- Bigger robots, bigger fun. Terrific.
The Worlds' End: 8/10- Wright is my favourite director.
The Frozen Ground: 5/10- Nic Cage continues to exist.
Citadel: 7/10- Terrific little British horror movie.
Frances Ha: 9/10- An amazing, infectiously joyous film.
The Smurfs 2: 3/10- Smurf off, all of you.
The Wolverine: 6/10- Well-executed Japanese slasher nonsense.
Alan Partridge: Alpha Pappa: 7/10- Textbook Partridge humour. Jurassic Park!
The Heat: 5/10- I did laugh. Not enough.
The Conjuring: 5/10- I've seen it all before.
RED 2: 4/10- Bruce Willis back on autopilot.
Only God Forgives: 4/10- Ryan Gosling giving moody looks.
Kick-Ass 2: 7/10- So. Much. Fun. Love it.
2 Guns: 6/10- Misleading title. Contains 97 guns.
Planes: 3/10- Witless, pointless and dull. Bleh.
Percy Jackson: Sea of the Monsters: 5/10- Average yet refreshing kids entertainment.
Grown Ups 2: 3/10- Let's never do this again.
About Time: 8/10- Richard Curtis: King of Romcoms
Pain & Gain: 6/10- Micahel Bay's first enjoyable film.
We're The Millers: 5/10- Fails the six-laugh test.
Lovelace: 7/10- Amanda Seyfried is absolutely brilliant.
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones: 4/10- A lot of wasted potential.
One Direction: This Is Us: 6/10- Guilty as charged. I enjoyed.
The Way, Way Back: 8/10- Oh I love Sam Rockwell.
Elysium: 5/10- Enjoyable but forgettable. Matt Damon.
You're Next: 7/10- Best horror film in years.
Jadoo: 7/10- And now I'm really hungry.
Rush: 6/10- Zroooom vroooooom vvvrrrooooom zrooom vroooommm!!
The Call: 6/10- Third act syndrome strikes again.
Blue Jasmine: 8/10- Like a drunken Frances Ha.
Austenland: 4/10- How did this even happen?
Runner Runner: 4/10- Insufficient Gemma to reach forgiveness.
Sunshine on Leith: 6/10- From misery to (Extreme) happiness.
Prisoners: 7/10- Gritty grit from Grittown, Grittania
Filth: 6/10- Morally abhorrent corrupt Scottish fun
Machete Kills: 3/10- That joke isn't funny anymore.
How I Live Now: 8/10- Heart, love, grit and war
Captain Phillips: 6/10- Some good acting going on.
Thor: The Dark World: 7/10- Fun with Kat and Tom.
Escape Plan: 4/10- The Stalloneshank Redemption. With Arnie.
One Chance: 5/10- Undeniably gratuitous but strangely endearing.
Ender's Game: 6/10- The Hunger Games... IN SPACE!
Philomena: 7/10- Moving drama powered by Partridgisms.
Short Term 12: 7/10- Careful, meticulous and notably powerful.
Gravity: 8/10- Greatest visuals I've ever seen.
The Butler: 3/10- Alan Rickman plays Ronald Reagan.
Dom Hemingway: 6/10- Fun, dirty romp. No more.
Battle of the Year: 3/10- Clichéd clichés drinking cliché juice
Don Jon: 5/10- Tonally bizarre. Obvious first attempt.
Saving Mr. Banks: 6/10- I cried. Three times. Yeah.
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire: 8/10- Striking cinema. Lawrence reigns supreme.
Free Birds: 3/10- A first draft with potential.
Nebraska: 8/10- Worth walking two states for.
Powder Room: 5/10- Belongs on the stage, really.
Kill Your Darlings: 7/10- Turns out Radcliff can act.
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug: 4/10- Now with added Orlando Bloom!
Frozen: 8/10- Loved every second of it.
It's a Wonderful Life: 9/10- Every time a bell rings...
The Harry Hill Movie: 6/10- Well I laughed, so there.
Moshi Monsters: The Movie: 2/10- Like sugar-coated vomit juice.
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues: 7/10- Steve Carrell is very funny.
All is Lost: 7/10- Robert Redford must be 80...
Anyway, five words next to the film, with a score out of 10. Simple. Scoring explanation's at the bottom. If I see a film I also saw in 2012 again, it goes straight in as a repeat viewing. I'm also going to record if I saw the film in 3D or IMAX if it's available for that film. If, for example, I see something three, once in IMAX 3D, once in just 3D and once in 2D, I'd record the first one, then the next two as repeat viewings seperately.
These rules are mostly here for myself. Anyway, just watch as this fills up over the next 12 months...
Les Miserables: 6/10- Full-on sing-song spectacle.
The Impossible: 6/10- Who needs five words? Devastating.
Zero Dark Thirty: 8/10- And Best Picture goes to...
Quartet: 5/10- Conneley makes an endearing pervert.
The Last Stand: 5/10- As bad as you'd hope.
Movie 43: 1/10- An embarrassment to cinemas everywhere.
A Good Day To Die Hard: 2/10- Stupid, soulless soporific consumerist tripe.
Wreck-It Ralph: 8/10- 100 minutes of 8-bit grinning.
Warm Bodies: 7/10- Zombio and Juliet. Great fun.
Beautiful Creatures: 7/10- Think Twilight with sharper dialogue.
Hitchcock: 5/10- Better than The Girl, anyway.
Lincoln: 8/10- I'd watch three more hours.
Searching for Sugarman: 8/10- An amazing story deservidly told.
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters: 3/10- Clumsily shot and messily written.
Broken City: 5/10- Good until the plot explodes.
I Give It a Year: 5/10- Interesting idea, doesn't work. Shrug.
Mama: 5/10- An ironically solid ghost movie.
Django Unchained: 6/10- Good thing, waaaaaaay too much.
Robot & Frank: 7/10- Robot heist on charm offensive
Monsters, Inc.: 9/10- God, I love that film.
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone: 6/10- Passes the six-laugh test.
Oz: The Great and the Powerful: 6/10- A reboot that actually cares.
The Croods: 5/10- Technically sound and soundly hollow.
Side Effects: 7/10- It's bonkers. I loved it.
Identity Thief: 4/10- Hahaha. Look, a fat lady.
Compliance: 1/10- Dubiously-motivated misogynist exploitation drivel.
Jack the Giant Slayer: 5/10- Meh. Bill Nighy criminally underused.
The Paperboy: 7/10- Odd yet compelling. Effron's great.
Trance: 7/10- Bargain Hunt meets Christopher Nolan
GI Joe: Retaliation: 4/10- Stupid, but so, so bizarre.
In The House: 8/10- Incredible. Thoughtful, pacey and inspiring.
The Odd Life of Timothy Green: 6/10- Shut up. I liked it.
The Host: 4/10- No Twilight or Truman Show.
Spring Breakers: 8/10- Words cannot describe Spring Breakers.
Scary Movie 5: 4/10- Decent jokes, talentless writers. Wasted.
The Place Beyond The Pines: 6/10- Brilliant first act, then meh.
Iron Man 3: 7/10- Very well-written. I'm impressed.
Bernie: 5/10- Black comedy without the comedy.
Love Is All You Need: 6/10- My favourite Danish Brosnan romcom.
All Stars: 6/10- Surprisingly good fun. Great cameos.
Chimpanzee: 5/10- Pleasant viewing. Not exactly gripping.
Olympus Has Fallen: 3/10- Olympus Has Fallen Asleep, probably
Star Trek Into Darkness: 6/10- I want more Benedict Cumberbatch.
Epic: 5/10- I want more Chris O'Dowd.
The Great Gatsby: 7/10- One man's (admittedly entertaining) take.
Populaire: 6/10- Must type these words quicker...
Summer in February: 5/10- Go back to BBC Two.
Man of Steel: 5/10- Great first hour. Snoozeworthy second.
Stuck in Love: 6/10- Lots to like. Mildly depressing.
The Purge: 4/10- Strong concept, clumsy execution. Shame.
Now You See Me: 6/10- Entertaining. Can't ask for more.
This Is The End: 6/10- Satan possessing Jonah Hill = Funny
Behind The Candelabra: 7/10- Too gay for America. Recommended.
The East: 5/10- Passable but ultimately forgettable thriller
Hummingbird: 5/10- Irreverent yet hard-hitting fun.
The Internship: 5/10- Mildly amusing product placement bombardment
Despicable Me 2: 7/10- Bottom. *Giggles for 90 minutes*
The Bling Ring: 7/10- A very smartly directed film.
World War Z: 5/10- Dead behind the eyes. Forgettable.
Monsters University: 6/10- Wasn't Monsters Inc. so great?
Pacific Rim: 7/10- Bigger robots, bigger fun. Terrific.
The Worlds' End: 8/10- Wright is my favourite director.
The Frozen Ground: 5/10- Nic Cage continues to exist.
Citadel: 7/10- Terrific little British horror movie.
Frances Ha: 9/10- An amazing, infectiously joyous film.
The Smurfs 2: 3/10- Smurf off, all of you.
The Wolverine: 6/10- Well-executed Japanese slasher nonsense.
Alan Partridge: Alpha Pappa: 7/10- Textbook Partridge humour. Jurassic Park!
The Heat: 5/10- I did laugh. Not enough.
The Conjuring: 5/10- I've seen it all before.
RED 2: 4/10- Bruce Willis back on autopilot.
Only God Forgives: 4/10- Ryan Gosling giving moody looks.
Kick-Ass 2: 7/10- So. Much. Fun. Love it.
2 Guns: 6/10- Misleading title. Contains 97 guns.
Planes: 3/10- Witless, pointless and dull. Bleh.
Percy Jackson: Sea of the Monsters: 5/10- Average yet refreshing kids entertainment.
Grown Ups 2: 3/10- Let's never do this again.
About Time: 8/10- Richard Curtis: King of Romcoms
Pain & Gain: 6/10- Micahel Bay's first enjoyable film.
We're The Millers: 5/10- Fails the six-laugh test.
Lovelace: 7/10- Amanda Seyfried is absolutely brilliant.
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones: 4/10- A lot of wasted potential.
One Direction: This Is Us: 6/10- Guilty as charged. I enjoyed.
The Way, Way Back: 8/10- Oh I love Sam Rockwell.
Elysium: 5/10- Enjoyable but forgettable. Matt Damon.
You're Next: 7/10- Best horror film in years.
Jadoo: 7/10- And now I'm really hungry.
Rush: 6/10- Zroooom vroooooom vvvrrrooooom zrooom vroooommm!!
The Call: 6/10- Third act syndrome strikes again.
Blue Jasmine: 8/10- Like a drunken Frances Ha.
Austenland: 4/10- How did this even happen?
Runner Runner: 4/10- Insufficient Gemma to reach forgiveness.
Sunshine on Leith: 6/10- From misery to (Extreme) happiness.
Prisoners: 7/10- Gritty grit from Grittown, Grittania
Filth: 6/10- Morally abhorrent corrupt Scottish fun
Machete Kills: 3/10- That joke isn't funny anymore.
How I Live Now: 8/10- Heart, love, grit and war
Captain Phillips: 6/10- Some good acting going on.
Thor: The Dark World: 7/10- Fun with Kat and Tom.
Escape Plan: 4/10- The Stalloneshank Redemption. With Arnie.
One Chance: 5/10- Undeniably gratuitous but strangely endearing.
Ender's Game: 6/10- The Hunger Games... IN SPACE!
Philomena: 7/10- Moving drama powered by Partridgisms.
Short Term 12: 7/10- Careful, meticulous and notably powerful.
Gravity: 8/10- Greatest visuals I've ever seen.
The Butler: 3/10- Alan Rickman plays Ronald Reagan.
Dom Hemingway: 6/10- Fun, dirty romp. No more.
Battle of the Year: 3/10- Clichéd clichés drinking cliché juice
Don Jon: 5/10- Tonally bizarre. Obvious first attempt.
Saving Mr. Banks: 6/10- I cried. Three times. Yeah.
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire: 8/10- Striking cinema. Lawrence reigns supreme.
Free Birds: 3/10- A first draft with potential.
Nebraska: 8/10- Worth walking two states for.
Powder Room: 5/10- Belongs on the stage, really.
Kill Your Darlings: 7/10- Turns out Radcliff can act.
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug: 4/10- Now with added Orlando Bloom!
Frozen: 8/10- Loved every second of it.
It's a Wonderful Life: 9/10- Every time a bell rings...
The Harry Hill Movie: 6/10- Well I laughed, so there.
Moshi Monsters: The Movie: 2/10- Like sugar-coated vomit juice.
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues: 7/10- Steve Carrell is very funny.
All is Lost: 7/10- Robert Redford must be 80...
REPEAT VIEWINGS
If I've seen a film for a second (Or third) times, it goes down under here. The rating is out of 5, from 'Well, I didn't really want to see it for a second time...' to 'Already booking my third trip'. It's entirely on how the film holds up, seeing it again within a month, rather than the quality of the piece. If there's another rating after the initial one, that means I've seen it three or four or how many ever times.
Pitch Perfect: 5/5
Wreck-It Ralph: 4/5
Jack The Giant Slayer: 2/5
This is the End: 3/5
The Worlds' End: 4/5, 5/5, 4/5, 5/5
Frances Ha: 4/5
Alan Partridge: Alpha Pappa: 5/5
HOW I SCORE
I count 5/10 as average, as opposed to the 7/10 that seems to increasingly be becoming commonplace. It's all my opinion and everything, and I reserve the right to change the score slightly if I change my mind about a film, although I do try not to play about too much. Instead of starting at the top and working down, as many seem to do, I like to start at 5 and see if a film can go up or down from there. 10/10 means flawless, and I've never seen such a film. 9/10makes it a high-point within the genre, a real stand-out. An 8/10 film is a must-see: something that excels my expectations for that film. 6/10 means it's a good, enjoyable, solid example of the genre, whereas 4/10 means the opposite. The difference between a 2/10 and a 1/10 film is that a 2 means I'd kill to avoid seeing it again. 1/10 means I'd kill to have never seen it again. I won't be giving any 0s, unless the film doesn't exist. Far as the colours go, the numbers get darker or 'hotter', if you will, as the film gets better, all the way from a 1/10 to a 10/10. I won't be giving 0s, unless the film actually doesn't exist. Make sense? Thought so. Excellent.
If you're interested in a list of all films I've seen this year, in the cinema or otherwise, here's a link to a list-
http://letterboxd.com/squidgygoat/films/diary/
If I've seen a film for a second (Or third) times, it goes down under here. The rating is out of 5, from 'Well, I didn't really want to see it for a second time...' to 'Already booking my third trip'. It's entirely on how the film holds up, seeing it again within a month, rather than the quality of the piece. If there's another rating after the initial one, that means I've seen it three or four or how many ever times.
Pitch Perfect: 5/5
Wreck-It Ralph: 4/5
Jack The Giant Slayer: 2/5
This is the End: 3/5
The Worlds' End: 4/5, 5/5, 4/5, 5/5
Frances Ha: 4/5
Alan Partridge: Alpha Pappa: 5/5
HOW I SCORE
I count 5/10 as average, as opposed to the 7/10 that seems to increasingly be becoming commonplace. It's all my opinion and everything, and I reserve the right to change the score slightly if I change my mind about a film, although I do try not to play about too much. Instead of starting at the top and working down, as many seem to do, I like to start at 5 and see if a film can go up or down from there. 10/10 means flawless, and I've never seen such a film. 9/10makes it a high-point within the genre, a real stand-out. An 8/10 film is a must-see: something that excels my expectations for that film. 6/10 means it's a good, enjoyable, solid example of the genre, whereas 4/10 means the opposite. The difference between a 2/10 and a 1/10 film is that a 2 means I'd kill to avoid seeing it again. 1/10 means I'd kill to have never seen it again. I won't be giving any 0s, unless the film doesn't exist. Far as the colours go, the numbers get darker or 'hotter', if you will, as the film gets better, all the way from a 1/10 to a 10/10. I won't be giving 0s, unless the film actually doesn't exist. Make sense? Thought so. Excellent.
If you're interested in a list of all films I've seen this year, in the cinema or otherwise, here's a link to a list-
http://letterboxd.com/squidgygoat/films/diary/
Tuesday, 24 December 2013
The Grand Owen Awards Nominations 2013
It's that time of year again! The year-long cycle of waiting and speculation is finally over; the nominations, in full, for the 2nd Annual Owen Awards are below. Awards are given on my own much-deliberated opinion and are open to any film that received a UK general cinema release in 2013. That means Oscar favourites such as Twelve Years a Slave, Inside Llewyn Davis and Her are not eligible, though a number of last years' winners such as Zero Dark Thirty, Lincoln and Django Unchained are. Six films or individuals are nominated in each category, aside from 'Best Picture', the increased prestige of the award lending itself to eight nominations.There is, perhaps, one big change this year. Gone are the negative awards. Yes, terrible films are still being made, but these awards should be a celebration of the best, not a shaming of the worst. Even though there is a 'bogey prize' in one of two new categories, it is still done with cinema's best interests and encouragement at heart.
Last year, the big winners were Bond spectacular Skyfall and Danish drama A Royal Affair, each scooping two awards- the latter also walking away with the highly prestigious 'Best Picture' title. This year, with the rather charming award just above as motivation, the competition is even tougher than ever. So, without further ado, here are the films up for the much-coveted Owen Awards in 2013...
Sunday, 22 December 2013
"Argos"
The following was submitted as a piece of Creative Writing coursework as part of my University course. I just though I'd post it on here for the sake of it. You might as well read it.
"Argos"
Argos
makes me feel uncomfortable. The system doesn’t make sense. Are shelves not
good enough for them? I mean, they sell shelves, so they clearly don’t have a
problem with them. I have never bought anything in Argos. I never intended to
either, but last months’ court hearing has forced my hand. Seeing as I can
never again legally visit a UK branch of Currys, if I want this new toaster,
Argos is my only option. I just need to brave the desk now. It’s Item 8467008.
Item 8467008…
Wednesday, 18 December 2013
Here is a list of things I love about Matt Smith as the Doctor
1. The way he talks. Seriously, the main motivation for me to tune in each week has increasingly become to hear him tackle lengthy speeches in such inventive, amusing and often hilarious ways. The best episodes are always those where the Doctor saves the universe using a monologue, and Matt Smith has turned a hobby of previous Doctors into an art form.
Thursday, 12 September 2013
Hook, line, and sinking
Four more years playing out of position and out of sight. So much for James Hook's international career.
Sunday, 25 August 2013
Friday, 16 August 2013
Doctor Who, revisited.
I'm watching every episode of Doctor Who again from 2005 onwards, simply because I have the time and the DVD boxsets to do so. Some episodes I've seen dozens of times (I hate to think how many times I've watched Rose over the last eight years), some I haven't seen since original transmission (The heartbreaking Girl in the Fireplace plays so much better to eighteen-year-old me than it did when I was eleven). As such, I'll address each episode with a sort-of rating. A bad/average/good/outstanding system. I'll try and reserve outstanding for only the episodes that I really feel are the pinnacle of the series, so probably less than ten over the hundred-odd episodes I'll be re-watching. Average for Doctor Who is still good. I'm not trying to demean the episode in any way. Average is good but not as good as good, which, in turn, means better than almost everything else on TV, just not this series at the peak of its powers. Sometimes 'bad' isn't that bad, but it's still below average. Is all that clear? Good, then we'll begin. I'll update it when I've watched further than that point-
Bad - Average - Good - Outstanding
Series One
Rose
End of the World
The Unquiet Dead
Aliens of London
World War Three
Dalek
The Long Game
The Empty Child
The Doctor Dances
Boom Town
Bad Wolf
The Parting of the Ways
The Children in Need Scene
The Christmas Invasion
Series Two
New Earth
Tooth and Claw
School Reunion
The Girl in the Fireplace
The Rise of the Cybermen
The Age of Steel
The Idiots Lantern
The Impossible Planet
The Satan Pit
Love and Monsters
Fear Her
Army of Ghosts
Doomsday
The Runaway Bride
Series Three
Smith and Jones
The Shakespeare Code
Gridlock
Daleks in Manhatten
Evolution of the Daleks
The Lazarus Experiment
42
Human Nature
The Family of Blood
Blink
Utopia
The Sound of Drums
The Last of the Time Lords
Voyage of the Damned
Series Four
Partners in Crime
The Fires of Pompeii
Planet of the Ood
The Sontaran Stratogen
The Poison Sky
The Doctor's Daughter
The Unicorn and the Wasp
Silence in the Library
Forest of the Dead
Midnight
The Stolen Earth
Journey's End
The Next Doctor
Planet of the Dead
Waters of Mars
The End of Time Part One
The End of Time Part Two
Series Five
The Eleventh Hour
The Beast Below
Victory of the Daleks
The Time of Angels
Flesh and Stone
Vampires in Venice
Amy's Choice
The Hungry Earth
Cold Blood
Vincent and the Doctor
Bad - Average - Good - Outstanding
Series One
Rose
End of the World
The Unquiet Dead
Aliens of London
World War Three
Dalek
The Long Game
The Empty Child
The Doctor Dances
Boom Town
Bad Wolf
The Parting of the Ways
The Children in Need Scene
The Christmas Invasion
Series Two
New Earth
Tooth and Claw
School Reunion
The Girl in the Fireplace
The Rise of the Cybermen
The Age of Steel
The Idiots Lantern
The Impossible Planet
The Satan Pit
Love and Monsters
Fear Her
Army of Ghosts
Doomsday
The Runaway Bride
Series Three
Smith and Jones
The Shakespeare Code
Gridlock
Daleks in Manhatten
Evolution of the Daleks
The Lazarus Experiment
42
Human Nature
The Family of Blood
Blink
Utopia
The Sound of Drums
The Last of the Time Lords
Voyage of the Damned
Series Four
Partners in Crime
The Fires of Pompeii
Planet of the Ood
The Sontaran Stratogen
The Poison Sky
The Doctor's Daughter
The Unicorn and the Wasp
Silence in the Library
Forest of the Dead
Midnight
The Stolen Earth
Journey's End
The Next Doctor
Planet of the Dead
Waters of Mars
The End of Time Part One
The End of Time Part Two
Series Five
The Eleventh Hour
The Beast Below
Victory of the Daleks
The Time of Angels
Flesh and Stone
Vampires in Venice
Amy's Choice
The Hungry Earth
Cold Blood
Vincent and the Doctor
Monday, 29 July 2013
It's World XV time!
15. Fullback
Leigh Halfpenny - Wales
Honourable Mentions: Israel Dagg (NZ), Ben Smith (NZ)
Leigh is a hero. No other word describes him quite as aptly. A man, not great in stature nor physicality, but willing to give everything to the cause, to sacrafice everything if it means Wales might scrape a win. Look at him knock himself unconscious twice in one season making tackles that could have saved the game in the last play. He's also got the spirit and mental steeliness to kick goals under any amount of pressure. Best kicker in the world. Best fullback in the world.
14. Right Wing
George North - Wales
Honourable Mentions: Tommy Bowe (IRE), Alex Cuthbert (WAL)
In years to come, geography students studying the unit on forces of nature, normally reserved for hurricanes, tornados and tsunamis, shall be looking closely at George North. An unstoppable force yet to meet an immovable object, he's got absolutely everything you could want in a winger. Power, pace, good feet, good hands, the ability to finish and, most importantly, a brain. Incredible.
13. Outside Centre
Conrad Smith - New Zealand
Honourable Mentions: Jonathan Davies (WAL), Manu Tuilagi (ENG)
The archetypal centre. Doesn't miss tackles, makes breaks, links well, runs good lines, offers supporting angles. You couldn't ask for more than what you get from Conrad Smith.
12. Inside Centre
Wesley Fofana - France
Honourable Mentions: Ma'a Nonu (NZ), Jamie Roberts (WAL)
Fofana is the best centre I've seen since O'Driscoll on the top of his game. He sprints through gaps that aren't there, and is always able to finish whatever he starts. He averages a try every other game for France, and in two of his caps he received less than 3 touches of the ball. He's amazing.
11. Left Wing
Bryan Habana - South Africa
Honourable Mentions: Julian Savea (NZ), Digby Ioanie (AUS)
He's still got it. Time was, I, along with seemingly everyone else, felt King Habana was past it. Overtaken by a barrage of youthful imposters. How wrong we all were. Bryan Habana still has what it takes to unlock defences the world over, and he's about to do so for rugby's own free-vending ATM, Toulon.
10. Fly Half
Dan Carter - New Zealand
Honourable Mentions: Aaron Cruden (NZ), Dan Biggar (WAL)
Oh come on, who else was I going to pick?
9. Scrum Half
Will Genia - Australia
Honourable Mentions: Kahn Fotuali'i (SAM), Aaron Smith (NZ)
Another no-brainer. Genia is sharper the worlds' best-trimmed set of pencils. Also hard to read as lead in a radiation scanner (That was tenious), hence why defences consistently struggle to close him down. He was the cause of any struggles the Lions had last month. One of the worlds' very finest players.
1. Loosehead Prop
Alex Corbisiero - England
Honourable Mentions: Thomas Domingo (FRA), Gethin Jenkins (WAL)
A dominant scrummager and a real handful in the loose, Corbisiero is a perfect blend of a proper prop and this kind of new dynamic thing Sky Sports and Stuart Lancaster both seem to love (Joe Marler, Cian Healy, whatever). Really improved his credentials on last months' Lions tour.
2. Hooker
Bismarck du Plessis - South Africa
Honourable Mentions: Andrew Hore (NZ), Tatafu Polota-Nau (AUS)
A player so good he forced his national captain to learn a completely new position in his thirties. Du Plessis is a handful in the scrum, a key cog in the best lineout in the world (Sorry Scotland) and full of enough beans to keep him bounding about the pitch, making tackles and carries for the full eighty.
3. Tighthead Prop
Adam Jones - Wales
Honourable Mentions: Nicholas Mas (FRA), Dan Cole (ENG)
I support Wales and the Ospreys, and I hate to think how many victories I've celebrated over the last five years would not have occurred had Adam not been playing. An unstoppable scrummaging force; bend over and push. That's a props job, and Adam does it better than anyone else in the world, and long may that continue.
4. Second Row
Paul O'Connell - Ireland
Honourable Mentions: James Horwill (AUS), Richie Gray (SCO)
There is no stopping Paul O'Connell. The man is a creature made of living concrete, unable to be stopped, harmed or destroyed. He goes until every inch of the magic beans used to turn him into a living creature is used up, at which point he returns to his more familiar statue form. The inspiration for the Weeping Angels. They had to be toned down in the scary stakes for a prime time audience.
5. Second Row
Alun Wyn Jones - Wales
Honourable Mentions: Eben Etzabeth (RSA), Sam Whitelock (NZ)
A team of fifteen Alun Wyn Joneses would win any World Cup. Not even just in rugby. Alun Wyn is the most driven, hardworking player anyone is likely to ever watch. He's a machine with a heart. The pride, the passion of representing Wales, the Ospreys and the Lions is so evident, and he more than lives up to it every time he takes the field. Hero.
6. Blindside Flanker
Dan Lydiate - Wales
Honourable Mentions: Sean O'Brien (IRE), Willem Alberts (RSA)
The most difficult position. Were I selecting a XV to play Mars, I'd shift Lobbe, Parisse, Warburton or McCaw across. However, I'm picking the best in each position in the world, and nobody fulfills a No. 6's job better than Danny Jonathan Lydiate, a farmer from east Wales. Makes a stupid number of tackles and misses very few.
7. Openside Flanker
David Pocock - Australia
Honourable Mentions: Richie McCaw (NZ), Sam Warburton (WAL)
Nobody else in the world is quite as destructively efficient at the breakdown as David Pocock. Every ruck, he either turns the ball over, or costs the attacking team two or three forwards in clearing him out. He also links superbly. The engine of McCaw and Warburton and the skills of Tipuric cannot, however, be underappreciated. Such a difficult position to select, but Pocock nicks it, just. JUST.
8. Number Eight
Kieran Read - New Zealand
Honourable Mentions: Sergio Parisse (ITA), Juan Martin Fernandez Lobbe (ARG)
Lobbe. Parisse. Picamoles. Faletau. Morgan. Heaslip. Spies. There are more world-class players in the number eight position than any other, so it'd have to be a pretty special player who sits proudly atop them all. Read is just that. For my money, at the moment, the very best player in the world. There's nothing this man can't do. Every game he plays is a masterclass in not just backrow play, but rugby in general. He lords it over the whole pitch. A colossus of the modern game.
Saturday, 27 July 2013
Discuss the similarities between the theme of friendship between Frances Ha and The Worlds End (30 marks)
This is, to all intents and purposes, a lengthy essay on the themes portrayed within both films. Hence the mock-exam question-title-joke-thing. As such, there are massive spoilers for both films, so please don't read it unless you've seen both. And please see Frances Ha. Please. It's brilliant.
Also leaking in cinemas for those willing to hunt out the more interesting films is my very favourite film of 2013 so far, Frances Ha. An honest and self-aware portrait of female friendship, it's a film that dips and twists as the characters begin to work out who they are, by their own admission too late in their life. It focuses on just the two characters, really, although a larger ensemble is at play, in Frances (Greta Gerwig) and Sophie (Mickey Summer), as they put it "The same person with different hair". Their relationship is charming and glistens through the film. However, as the film develops, the relationship twists as circumstances develop. Frances and Sophie begin to drift apart, but something always seems to be tying them together, be it past experience or something more metaphysical. The thematic similarities between Frances Ha and The Worlds' End are bountiful, both studies of human relationships and friendships that run deeper than the respective films would have you believe.
Friday, 26 July 2013
Frances Ha, the film of the year
Happy, joyous, blissful, chipper, elated, cheerful, ecstatic,
sparkling, sunny, gleeful, upbeat, thrilled, merry, gay. This is how
Frances Ha made me feel.
Just an insistent bombardment of joy from minute one through eighty-six. No film has ever made me feel as happy as the perfect string of celluloid projected so beautifully upon the cinema screen this morning. Hell, I haven't felt this happy, generally, all year. Even when the film is melancholic or cold, even when the tone of what's happening on screen isn't as feverishly joyous, the film manages to portray a thread of optimism; it shows a way through, always looking at the light at the end of the tunnel, rather than the blackness that surrounds us. Not since It's a Wonderful Life, my very favourite film, have I seen this particular theme portrayed on screen with such success.
It's a film about a character, and it's a character I love. Frances' best firend, Sophie, becomes quite an unsympathetic character for a number of reasons, but more than anything for me, through jealousy. I wanted to be Frances' best friend. I'd never seen Greta Gerwig act before, and I kinda hope Hollywood don't notice her stella turn, because in my mind she is Frances, and I couldn't take seeing her do anything else, so perfect is her character.
Frances Ha is so upbeat it's actually offputting. It made me feel so happy I had to put aside an entire day to bouncing, to skipping down the streets, to grinning at every passer-by. All I want to do is run around trying to find the closest ATM and to shout "Ahoy Sexy!" at everyone I know. Frances Ha is magnificent, film making at it's very best. Everyone, whoever you are, please see it.
Just an insistent bombardment of joy from minute one through eighty-six. No film has ever made me feel as happy as the perfect string of celluloid projected so beautifully upon the cinema screen this morning. Hell, I haven't felt this happy, generally, all year. Even when the film is melancholic or cold, even when the tone of what's happening on screen isn't as feverishly joyous, the film manages to portray a thread of optimism; it shows a way through, always looking at the light at the end of the tunnel, rather than the blackness that surrounds us. Not since It's a Wonderful Life, my very favourite film, have I seen this particular theme portrayed on screen with such success.
It's a film about a character, and it's a character I love. Frances' best firend, Sophie, becomes quite an unsympathetic character for a number of reasons, but more than anything for me, through jealousy. I wanted to be Frances' best friend. I'd never seen Greta Gerwig act before, and I kinda hope Hollywood don't notice her stella turn, because in my mind she is Frances, and I couldn't take seeing her do anything else, so perfect is her character.
Frances Ha is so upbeat it's actually offputting. It made me feel so happy I had to put aside an entire day to bouncing, to skipping down the streets, to grinning at every passer-by. All I want to do is run around trying to find the closest ATM and to shout "Ahoy Sexy!" at everyone I know. Frances Ha is magnificent, film making at it's very best. Everyone, whoever you are, please see it.
Tuesday, 18 June 2013
Saturday, 15 June 2013
Centres in Britain & Ireland I rate higher than Brad Barritt
To celebrate the big South African's Lions call up, here's a grand list of players I think should be above him. I don't care if a number are injured. It's a comprehensive list.
Thursday, 13 June 2013
Teacher to race Bolt over GCSE reforms
Teacher and former Kent fullback Nigel Plod, 48, is to race
Olympic Gold Medallist Usain Bolt in a 100-metre sprint in the hope of beating
him because he is not very happy with the governments’ proposed reforms to the
education system.
Monday, 3 June 2013
The Overt Prestige
More revision materials. This time, it's the synopsis for Christopher Nolan's The Prestige, re-written about linguistic concept of Overt and Covert Prestige...
In the end of the Nineteenth Century, in London, Robert Angier, his beloved wife Julia McCullough and Alfred Borden are friends and users of an RP accept. When Julia accidentally dies during a performance, Robert blames Alfred for her death and they develops a strong regional accent. Both become famous and rival magicians, sabotaging the performance of the other on the stage by inserting flat /a/s and tricking them into monopthongising their vowels. When Alfred performs a successful trick, Robert becomes obsessed trying to disclose the secret of his competitor with tragic consequences.
In the end of the Nineteenth Century, in London, Robert Angier, his beloved wife Julia McCullough and Alfred Borden are friends and users of an RP accept. When Julia accidentally dies during a performance, Robert blames Alfred for her death and they develops a strong regional accent. Both become famous and rival magicians, sabotaging the performance of the other on the stage by inserting flat /a/s and tricking them into monopthongising their vowels. When Alfred performs a successful trick, Robert becomes obsessed trying to disclose the secret of his competitor with tragic consequences.
Saturday, 1 June 2013
I Love Ross Perot (Lyrics)
To the tune of I Love Rock And Roll by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNQDIIg7nRo).
I saw him dancin' there 'bout his record figuresI knew they must've been making Clinton stirThe campaign was goin' strongLike a political King Kong,I could tell it wouldn't be longTill he was president, yeah me, because
I love Ross PerotSo put another chad in the ballot box, babyI love Ross PerotSo come an' take your time an' vote for him
He smiled so I got up and asked for his party“That don't matter,” he said'Cause it's all the sameSaid, “I'm standing for Reform, running all alone”An' next we were movin' onI was voting for Ross, yeah Ross
Next we were movin' onI was voting for Ross, yeah Ross, singin'
I love Ross PerotSo put another chad in the ballot box, babyI love Ross PerotSo come an' take your time an' vote for him
Said, “I'm standing for Reform, running all alone”
An we'll be movin' onWanting to reduce the deficit,Yeah with me, votin'
I love Ross PerotSo put another chad in the ballot box, babyI love Ross PerotSo come an' take your time an' vote for him
I saw him dancin' there 'bout his record figuresI knew they must've been making Clinton stirThe campaign was goin' strongLike a political King Kong,I could tell it wouldn't be longTill he was president, yeah me, because
I love Ross PerotSo put another chad in the ballot box, babyI love Ross PerotSo come an' take your time an' vote for him
He smiled so I got up and asked for his party“That don't matter,” he said'Cause it's all the sameSaid, “I'm standing for Reform, running all alone”An' next we were movin' onI was voting for Ross, yeah Ross
Next we were movin' onI was voting for Ross, yeah Ross, singin'
I love Ross PerotSo put another chad in the ballot box, babyI love Ross PerotSo come an' take your time an' vote for him
Said, “I'm standing for Reform, running all alone”
An we'll be movin' onWanting to reduce the deficit,Yeah with me, votin'
I love Ross PerotSo put another chad in the ballot box, babyI love Ross PerotSo come an' take your time an' vote for him
Sunday, 26 May 2013
Extracts from Baz Lurham's Great Gatsby novelisation
"Gatsby?" demanded Daisy "What Gatsby?". Suddenly, Baz Lurhman turns up, slaps her in the face and shouts "THIS GATSBY!".
I have only been drunk twice in my life, and the second time was when I met Baz Lurhman and he shoved thirty pints down my neck, an imperial ton of coke up my nose and made us both jump up and down like a little girl on a space hopper, shouting "I'm a camera! I'm a camera!".
"You can't repeat the past" "Repeat the past? ...Why, of course you can" "Yeah, you're probably right, Leo. I should've set Gatsby in the modern day and given them all bazookas."
I have only been drunk twice in my life, and the second time was when I met Baz Lurhman and he shoved thirty pints down my neck, an imperial ton of coke up my nose and made us both jump up and down like a little girl on a space hopper, shouting "I'm a camera! I'm a camera!".
"You can't repeat the past" "Repeat the past? ...Why, of course you can" "Yeah, you're probably right, Leo. I should've set Gatsby in the modern day and given them all bazookas."
Sunday, 12 May 2013
The Post-Hollywood Mission
I'm bored of blockbusters. Big-budget fluff more often than not without substance. A prime example is this week's Star Trek Into Darkness, which is quite good fun, but not anything spectacular. Actually no, it is something spectacular. It's just not anything else.
The reason JJ Abrams' sci-fi cash spinner works and, say, Die Hard 5 doesn't is because Abrams appreciates the art of variety. John McClaine's latest run-out was deadly boring, a poorly paced snooze riot in which the constant exploding helicopters seem to be there for the sole purpose of keeping the audience awake. Abrams keeps Star Trek pacey and while it does feel like 85% of the film is action sequences, they are all different from the last and interesting on some level. The characters are engaging and likeable, which helps too.
Unfortunately, Into Darkness is one of a dying breed. Iron Man 3, the other big release at the moment, is a film saved by Robert Downey Jr and a brilliant script from director Shane Black and witty brit Drew Pearce. I'm willing to defend that. However, move a screen down in your local multiplex and you may stumble into a screening of Olympus Has Fallen, a sopurific exploration of the American ability to pat oneself on the back. It's awful. It's the film more indicitive of the current market. In the past year and a half (The time since I've been an all-too-regular cinema-goer and therefore able to give an acturate account of what's been floating around), I've only given 4 big-budget titles (5 if you count Lincoln) the prestigious 8/10 rating. One of these was directed by Christiphor Nolan as well, so it doesn't really count. The Hunger Games was brilliantly gritty. It felt like a smaller, independent film by a good, well-meaning director with an interesting premise and glimmering lead given the budget it deserved, rather than a pile of money thrown at the screen until it turned into motion picture. Skyfall was an utter triumpth on every level, but this must be attributed to Sam Mendez. An art-house director with an eye for character just happened to be a genius at directing action as well, melding together a near-perfect Bond film. Same goes for Nolan and The Dark Knight Rises. There's a pattern here. At heart, these were smaller films, and would have worked without the money. Hollywood just gave them a chance to fulfill their entire potential, which is how I believe the system should work. The Avengers is something different, and the only reason I haven't lost all faith in the Tinsel Town set-up. In Joss Wheddon, Marvel found someone talented enough to turn the cash lobbed at the projector into something witty, exciting and imaginative. If we had more Joss Wheddons in the world, Hollywood would be a better place.
Unfortunately, we don't. We do, however, have plenty of interesting filmmakers plying their trade at the minute, giving us plenty to admire. The likes of Liberal Arts, In The House, Sightseers have all come out of the left field and made an impact on me. Films from all over the globe, not just one corner of LA or the same studio in London. Sightseers was filmed in the Yorkshire Dales, for crying out loud. This is, over the past 18 months, what going to the cinema has become for me. Not a mode of light entertainment, but a hunt. A hunt for a piece of art, for a film that really means something. In amongst the mass-produced tripe lay the gems. Find them. That's my calling. Dawdle down the coridors of Cineworld, and find them.
And find them I will.
Gatsby joke I couldn't fit on Twitter
I once said that Carey Mulligan's Eyes should have won the Oscar for Never Let Me Go. I've just discovered that her rival for the role of Daisy in the Great Gatsby was Amanda Seyfried, who has peepers so big they were listed seperately on the Les Miserable cast list.
Tuesday, 7 May 2013
Problems I have with 'On The Metro' by Girls Aloud
Catchy tune, granted, but I have some real problems with the lyrics and the story being told in them. Perhaps I've been thinking about it too much. I've definately been listening to it too much.
1. There's five members of Girls Aloud. All of them sing about the same bloke at one point or another. This leaves three option. The first is that they've had the same experience, with a man disappearing after they come back from powdering their nose. You'd have thought, considering how deeply it affected them, they'd have told the others, and they could have avoided popping off to the 'powder room' when they meet a guy they really like. Unless there's a secret underground league of men who go to discos with the sole aim of upsetting a member of a girl group, spotting Cheryl Cole and moving in to try and cause her to cry on her way home, with their colleague having done exactly the same thing to Nicola Roberts the night before. The second option is that the girls can merge into one person, kind of like the Megazord in Power Rangers. The third is that when they say 'A little one-to-one', they mean 'A little five-to-one', with all of them obsessing over the same boy. If this is the case, I think he was well within his rights to do a runner.
1. There's five members of Girls Aloud. All of them sing about the same bloke at one point or another. This leaves three option. The first is that they've had the same experience, with a man disappearing after they come back from powdering their nose. You'd have thought, considering how deeply it affected them, they'd have told the others, and they could have avoided popping off to the 'powder room' when they meet a guy they really like. Unless there's a secret underground league of men who go to discos with the sole aim of upsetting a member of a girl group, spotting Cheryl Cole and moving in to try and cause her to cry on her way home, with their colleague having done exactly the same thing to Nicola Roberts the night before. The second option is that the girls can merge into one person, kind of like the Megazord in Power Rangers. The third is that when they say 'A little one-to-one', they mean 'A little five-to-one', with all of them obsessing over the same boy. If this is the case, I think he was well within his rights to do a runner.
Tuesday, 30 April 2013
My reaction to the Lions Squad
Leigh Halfpenny (Wales)- Yes. No more words need be said.
Stuart Hogg (Scotland)- I'm glad he's gone. An electric young fullback.
Robert Kearney (Ireland)- The most over-rated player in Europe, but was class in 2009.
Tommy Bowe (Ireland)- My favourite player.
Alex Cuthbert (Wales)- Best finisher in world rugby. A well-deserved call-up.
George North (Wales)- Obviously.
Sean Maitland (Scotland)- Good player, but don't think he and his Kiwi-ness should be on a Lions tour.
Jonathan Davies (Wales)- A no-brainer, really, provided he gets his passing in place.
Brian O'Driscoll (Ireland)- More legend than man. Australia'll be quaking in their boots.
Jamie Roberts (Wales)- Battering ram required for the Gatland gameplan.
Manu Tuilagi (England)- Once he learns to pass, he'll be brilliant. This might be the time.
Owen Farrell (England)- No, no, no. Hotheaded without an idea about attacking rugby.
Jonathan Sexton (Ireland)- Can't really argue.
Mike Philips (Wales)- The Test Match Animal himself.
Ben Youngs (England)- Yeah, fair enough, let's move on.
Connor Murray (Ireland)- An abomination of a scrum half. Slow, static and fond of a poor decision or two. What have Care and Laidlaw got to do to go?
Gethin Jenkins (Wales)- Well-deserved after a very good Six Nations
Adam Jones (Wales)- Best scrummager in world rugby. A given.
Maku Vunipola (England)- Kinda passable, but I'd rather have seen Ryan Grant.
Dan Cole (England)- Second best tighthead in the world. Well deserved call-up.
Matt Stevens (England)- WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Cian Healy (Ireland)- I don't like him, but I can't argue with his inclusion.
Richard Hibbard (Wales)- So glad he's gone. Been championing him for years.
Dylan Hartley (England)- A talentless scumbag who nobody likes. Which is apparently all you need from a Lion.
Tom Youngs (England)- Ken Owens & Rory Best are both better than him, but let's move on.
Ian Evans (Wales)- Glad he's gone. He deserves this.
Alun Wyn Jones (Wales)- Such a good player.
Richie Gray (Scotland)- On poor form, but still a very good player who deserves his chance.
Paul O'Connell (Ireland)- A Lion through and through
Geoff Parling (England)- If we're picking a lineout specialist, I'd rather see Hamilton go. Never mind.
Sean O'Brien (Ireland)- A very good player and shall make a very good Lion.
Justin Tipuric (Wales)- Tommy's only real challenger. What a man.
Danny Lydiate (Wales)- Bold decision, and one I might not have made, but don't disagree with at all.
Tom Croft (England)- Shall suit Australia. Not going to quarrel.
Toby Faletau (Wales)- Hard-running, hard-working. A no brainer really.
Jamie Heaslip (Ireland)- A poor choice. On bad, bad form, while Ben Morgan & John Beattie are playing well.
Sam Warburton (Wales) - Captain - Can't argue. Well done Sam, just 10 games to go. See us home.
Stuart Hogg (Scotland)- I'm glad he's gone. An electric young fullback.
Robert Kearney (Ireland)- The most over-rated player in Europe, but was class in 2009.
Tommy Bowe (Ireland)- My favourite player.
Alex Cuthbert (Wales)- Best finisher in world rugby. A well-deserved call-up.
George North (Wales)- Obviously.
Sean Maitland (Scotland)- Good player, but don't think he and his Kiwi-ness should be on a Lions tour.
Jonathan Davies (Wales)- A no-brainer, really, provided he gets his passing in place.
Brian O'Driscoll (Ireland)- More legend than man. Australia'll be quaking in their boots.
Jamie Roberts (Wales)- Battering ram required for the Gatland gameplan.
Manu Tuilagi (England)- Once he learns to pass, he'll be brilliant. This might be the time.
Owen Farrell (England)- No, no, no. Hotheaded without an idea about attacking rugby.
Jonathan Sexton (Ireland)- Can't really argue.
Mike Philips (Wales)- The Test Match Animal himself.
Ben Youngs (England)- Yeah, fair enough, let's move on.
Connor Murray (Ireland)- An abomination of a scrum half. Slow, static and fond of a poor decision or two. What have Care and Laidlaw got to do to go?
Gethin Jenkins (Wales)- Well-deserved after a very good Six Nations
Adam Jones (Wales)- Best scrummager in world rugby. A given.
Maku Vunipola (England)- Kinda passable, but I'd rather have seen Ryan Grant.
Dan Cole (England)- Second best tighthead in the world. Well deserved call-up.
Matt Stevens (England)- WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Cian Healy (Ireland)- I don't like him, but I can't argue with his inclusion.
Richard Hibbard (Wales)- So glad he's gone. Been championing him for years.
Dylan Hartley (England)- A talentless scumbag who nobody likes. Which is apparently all you need from a Lion.
Tom Youngs (England)- Ken Owens & Rory Best are both better than him, but let's move on.
Ian Evans (Wales)- Glad he's gone. He deserves this.
Alun Wyn Jones (Wales)- Such a good player.
Richie Gray (Scotland)- On poor form, but still a very good player who deserves his chance.
Paul O'Connell (Ireland)- A Lion through and through
Geoff Parling (England)- If we're picking a lineout specialist, I'd rather see Hamilton go. Never mind.
Sean O'Brien (Ireland)- A very good player and shall make a very good Lion.
Justin Tipuric (Wales)- Tommy's only real challenger. What a man.
Danny Lydiate (Wales)- Bold decision, and one I might not have made, but don't disagree with at all.
Tom Croft (England)- Shall suit Australia. Not going to quarrel.
Toby Faletau (Wales)- Hard-running, hard-working. A no brainer really.
Jamie Heaslip (Ireland)- A poor choice. On bad, bad form, while Ben Morgan & John Beattie are playing well.
Sam Warburton (Wales) - Captain - Can't argue. Well done Sam, just 10 games to go. See us home.
Monday, 29 April 2013
The Squad Gatland Will Pick
I've picked the team I'd select (Though I did pick it by Gatland's rules- I'd take 38 with Jonathan Sexton as a third Outside Half), so here's the one I think Warren Gatland will name in 24 hours time. I shall mark myself against his actual selections tomorrow...
Props
Gethin Jenkins, Cian Healy, Adam Jones, Paul James, Dan Cole, Mike Ross
Hookers
Richard Hibbard, Rory Best, Tom Youngs
Locks
Alun Wyn Jones, Paul O'Connell, Ian Evans, Geoff Parling, Richie Gray
Flankers
Sam Warburton, Justin Tipuric, Tom Croft, Chris Robshaw, Sean O'Brien, Danny Lydiate
No. 8
Toby Faletau, Ben Morgan
Scrum Halves
Mike Phillips, Ben Youngs, Greig Laidlaw
Fly Halves
Jonathan Sexton, Dan Biggar
Centres
Jamie Roberts, Brian O'Driscoll, Jonathan Davies, Manu Tuilagi
Wings
George North, Alex Cuthbert, Tommy Bowe, Christian Wade
Fullbacks
Leigh Halfpenny, Stuart Hogg
Props
Gethin Jenkins, Cian Healy, Adam Jones, Paul James, Dan Cole, Mike Ross
Hookers
Richard Hibbard, Rory Best, Tom Youngs
Locks
Alun Wyn Jones, Paul O'Connell, Ian Evans, Geoff Parling, Richie Gray
Flankers
Sam Warburton, Justin Tipuric, Tom Croft, Chris Robshaw, Sean O'Brien, Danny Lydiate
No. 8
Toby Faletau, Ben Morgan
Scrum Halves
Mike Phillips, Ben Youngs, Greig Laidlaw
Fly Halves
Jonathan Sexton, Dan Biggar
Centres
Jamie Roberts, Brian O'Driscoll, Jonathan Davies, Manu Tuilagi
Wings
George North, Alex Cuthbert, Tommy Bowe, Christian Wade
Fullbacks
Leigh Halfpenny, Stuart Hogg
Sunday, 28 April 2013
My Final Lions Squad
On Tuesday, at 11am, Warren Gatland shall end months of speculation and, with it, begin another few months of arguing. His 37-man Lions squad shall finally be public knowledge, in the same way mine and my ever-changing mind has been for the past 6 months or so. So, here we go. My final squad choice, just two days before Gatland names him.
September - October - November - Didn't do one in December - January - February - March - April
1. Gethin Jenkins
2. Richard Hibbard
3. Adam Jones
4. Paul O'Connell
5. Jim Hamilton
6. Sam Warburton
7. Justin Tipuric
8. Ben Morgan
9. Mike Phillips
10. Dan Biggar
11. Alex Cuthbert
12. Jamie Roberts
13. Brian O'Driscoll
14. Tommy Bowe
15. Leigh Halfpenny
16. Rory Best
17. Ryan Grant
18. Dan Cole
19. Richie Gray
20. Toby Faletau
21. Ben Youngs
22. Jonny Wilkinson
23. Manu Tuilagi
24. Paul James
25. Cian Healey
26. Ken Owens
27. Ian Evans
28. Alun Wyn Jones
29. Tom Wood
30. Chris Robshaw
31. Sean O'Brien
32. Greig Laidlaw
33. Ashley Beck
34. Jonathan Davies
35. George North
36. Tim Visser
37. Stuart Hogg
September - October - November - Didn't do one in December - January - February - March - April
1. Gethin Jenkins
2. Richard Hibbard
3. Adam Jones
4. Paul O'Connell
5. Jim Hamilton
6. Sam Warburton
7. Justin Tipuric
8. Ben Morgan
9. Mike Phillips
10. Dan Biggar
11. Alex Cuthbert
12. Jamie Roberts
13. Brian O'Driscoll
14. Tommy Bowe
15. Leigh Halfpenny
16. Rory Best
17. Ryan Grant
18. Dan Cole
19. Richie Gray
20. Toby Faletau
21. Ben Youngs
22. Jonny Wilkinson
23. Manu Tuilagi
24. Paul James
25. Cian Healey
26. Ken Owens
27. Ian Evans
28. Alun Wyn Jones
29. Tom Wood
30. Chris Robshaw
31. Sean O'Brien
32. Greig Laidlaw
33. Ashley Beck
34. Jonathan Davies
35. George North
36. Tim Visser
37. Stuart Hogg
Monday, 15 April 2013
Pitch Perfect. Apt.
The Olympics is a fascinating time. While normally the general public has no interest in badminton, or pole vaulting, or that weird horse-dancing thing, once every four years we come together and watch the best in the world do their thing and appreciate it. It's unfortunate that cinema has no equivalent of the Olympics, as I think it's high time some people got off their high horse (Weird and dancing or otherwise) and gave the terrific Pitch Perfect a look. While on first glance it's easy to dismiss it as part of the whole Glee-High School Musical-Nonsense phenomenon, it's only upon watching Pitch Perfect that you can appreciate how smart the film is. A witty deconstruction of the genre with dialogue so sharp you worry at least one of the actors cut their tongue. I love Pitch Perfect and this is why.
Sunday, 7 April 2013
The Lions Squad - 7th April 2013
Gatland announced the squad this month! This'll be the penultimate squad, done just after the Quater-Finals of the Heineken Cup, the final reason time to impress. I'll do one the day before the team itself is named. Interesting to see how it's evolved...
September - October - November - Didn't do one in December - January - February - March
1. Gethin Jenkins
2. Richard Hibbard
3. Adam Jones
4. Richie Gray
5. Jim Hamilton
6. Sam Warburton
7. Justin Tipuric
8. Ben Morgan
9. Mike Phillips
10. Dan Biggar
11. Alex Cuthbert
12. Jamie Roberts
13. Brian O'Driscoll
14. Tommy Bowe
15. Leigh Halfpenny
16. Rory Best
17. Ryan Grant
18. Dan Cole
19. Alun Wyn Jones
20. Tom Wood
21. Ben Youngs
22. Johnny Sexton
23. Manu Tuilagi
24. Paul James
25. Mike Ross
26. Ken Owens
27. Ian Evans
28. Paul O'Connell
29. Chris Robshaw
30. Ryan Jones
31. Toby Faletau
32. Greig Laidlaw
33. Owen Farrell
34. Jonathan Davies
35. Ashley Beck
36. George North
37. Stuart Hogg
Have to take one of Twelvetrees, Henson or Beck. At the moment, I'm leaning towards Ash, although that may be an Ospreylian bias in me. Had to drop Visser in order to make way for an extra back-rower. So, so difficult to select.
September - October - November - Didn't do one in December - January - February - March
1. Gethin Jenkins
2. Richard Hibbard
3. Adam Jones
4. Richie Gray
5. Jim Hamilton
6. Sam Warburton
7. Justin Tipuric
8. Ben Morgan
9. Mike Phillips
10. Dan Biggar
11. Alex Cuthbert
12. Jamie Roberts
13. Brian O'Driscoll
14. Tommy Bowe
15. Leigh Halfpenny
16. Rory Best
17. Ryan Grant
18. Dan Cole
19. Alun Wyn Jones
20. Tom Wood
21. Ben Youngs
22. Johnny Sexton
23. Manu Tuilagi
24. Paul James
25. Mike Ross
26. Ken Owens
27. Ian Evans
28. Paul O'Connell
29. Chris Robshaw
30. Ryan Jones
31. Toby Faletau
32. Greig Laidlaw
33. Owen Farrell
34. Jonathan Davies
35. Ashley Beck
36. George North
37. Stuart Hogg
Have to take one of Twelvetrees, Henson or Beck. At the moment, I'm leaning towards Ash, although that may be an Ospreylian bias in me. Had to drop Visser in order to make way for an extra back-rower. So, so difficult to select.
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