Spoilers blah blah blah.
1. It's a good idea to give your eight-year-old son the password to your state-of-the-art security system, just so he can let strangers in.
2. It's a good idea to let random strangers into your house on the night on which they can quite easily murder you without charge.
3. Your friends and neighbours are so jealous of your profits they would sadistically murder you and your family in a very slow and agonising fashion.
4. Said neighbours are so desperate to kill you, they'll take down twenty armed goons in order to do so.
5. Anyone can fire a gun with alarming accuracy first time.
6. Instead of trying to reason with your girlfirends' dad, wait and kill him instead. She definately won't mind.
7. Announce the name of your victim, who is holding a gun, before you shoot him, just so he has time to shoot back and kill you.
8. Never mess with an insurance salesman.
9. Ethan Hawke seems incapable of making it out of a movie alive these days.
10. It's really, really easy to be a creepy villain.
11. Wes Anderson is Ethan Hawke's son. Not only does he look like him, he also writes a story about a man who's love is so strong his heart explodes. It's beyond doubt.
12. Eight -year-old kids in 2022 shall all have robot camera things, and their parents won't mind.
13. Disguising your robot camera thing as that hideous doll thing from the first Toy Story won't creep anyone out at all and is probably a good idea.
14. Assume everyone who enters your house wants to murder you.
15. There is only one homeless man in the town in which Ethan Hawke and family live, meaning the vilain characters had no choice but to rip into Ethan hawke's house in order to kill him.
15. Masks are creepy under any circumstances.
16. Insurance salesmen are taught how to use all types of heavy weapondry.
17. It's OK to disarm your security system when the world's going nuts outside.
18. All about the Purge Night concept. Everything I could ever need to know. Seriously, there's so much exposition I could have drowned just in the perspiration coming off the steaming reams of exposition.
19. Everyone is a murderer waiting to happen, even the nice old man up the road and the woman who bakes cookies.
20. A futuristic state-of-the-art security system is actually really, really to break into if you've got a car.
21. Do not check your house for strangers who may potentially try and murder you before locking it down on the most dangerous night of the year.
22. Once you escape your attacker, make sure to leave their loaded weapon on the floor, just so another attacker may want to give it a go.
23. Being a woman or a child is a really good way to stay alive. Also: Not being Ethan Hawke.
24. When hiding from people who want to kill you, make sure to wave a torch around as much as possible.
25. Give your eight-year-old son a gun. That's always a good plan.
26. While it takes hour to shut down a security system, turning off all the other electricity in the house can be achieved within seconds of turning up at the doorstep.
27. The best way to highlight that you're the head villain is by not wearing a mask.
28. If you murder your daughter's girlfriend, they won't really mind.
29. If you try and murder your girlfriend's father, she won't really mind.
30. When having a massive firefight with one of the biggest, loudest guns you'll ever see, don't go expecting reinforcements to arrive.
31. In fact, it's probably a really good idea to blindly walk round the corner straight into a man with an outpointed knife.
32. Sacrificing the life of one stranger always comes above the life of four family members.
33. Trust those nutters outside your door to not kill you when you bring them what they want, even though you're a foot away and they're holding guns, knives, the works.
34. Shooting your friend because he was mildly annoying is a really good way to gain a strangers' trust.
35. The men threatening you specifically asked for the stranger alive, otherwise they'll kill you all. So advise your wife to shoot him in the back of the head.
36. It is a good idea to skip and piggyback your way through corridors gaily, even though you're both acutely aware that there's a heavily armed family waiting to take your lives spread throughout the house.
37. Being "Very, very well-educated" means you should naturally want to murder all homeless people. It justifies everything.
38. Crimes of passion would totally disappear if people could instead commit pre-meditated crime on a different night.
39. Looting must be really hard on a purge night, what with all the random gunshots.
40. Try to keep your family as seperate as possible in your very large, very dark house when under attack from at least 20 individuals.
41. The best way to get someone down a flight of stairs and out a door swiftly is to tie them to a chair.
42. Also, the whole 'tying to a chair' process becomes far easier if you wait for your victim to wake up.
43. Stalling for time isn't an art, it's just something that villains do naturally, hoping to be shot in the back of the head while they're gloating or justifying their actions.
44. Your boyfriend is dead, your dad heavily wounded, a load of psychos outside your house and an armed stranger inside. The best option, really, is to go and mope around in the dark.
45. Trust a random stranger over your own family.
46. If you ever find yourself in a house, alone, with everyone looking to kill you, always trust a small car-camera thing that looks like the creepy doll out of Toy Story.
47. It's safe to assume that homeless people know morse code.
48. When you decide you're actually going to save the strangers life, don't look to utilise his strength and remarkable ability with a gun, just leave him tied to a chair.
49. 20 armed, "very, very well-educated" men can't find one man tied to a chair in a main room, no matter how hard they look.
50. When two people are holding you down, one with a machete, chances are they're just going to try and tickle you.
51. In a fight, two is never better than one if one if Ethan Hawke.
52. Waiting for pick-up trucks to break down barricades is a far better use of the twelve hours allocated to you than just burning it down and moving on.
53. America would readily accept a group who call themselves "The new Founding Fathers" and do everything they wish, including mass-murder.
54. Keep a massive arsenal of firearms in your house, for no explainable reason, considering you're very much against crime and murder.
55. Leaving your youngest son in the basement on his own is a really good idea when swarms of machete-weilding nutters are after him is a really good idea.
56. History lessons now cover events that took place in the last 7 or 8 years.
57. Never try and use your superior numbers or militant experience to overcome the four totally unprepared victims. Just wander round their house aimlessly and wait for them to pick you off one-by-one.
58. Unemployment is directly related to the amount of people committing crime on one particular night.
59. If you murder a stranger one evening, you are therefore more likely to contribute to the economy, get a job, not commit crimes at other times of year...
60. It's not hard at all to breath, see or have really complex, bloody fights whilst wearing masks.
61. There would be no repercussions to what you do. Murder your boss or co-workers, you'll definitely keep your job.
62. Murdering people becomes second nature pretty quickly if you're Ethan Hawke.
63. Crime figures wouldn't go up at all if you could get away with them, even for just one day.
64. Despite this being a genius system that 'saves' America, no other countries copy it.
65. Blue flowers are the international symbol of death
66. Every year, the television needs a day to explain this event that happens every year in the name of exposition. The same thing happens at Christmas, where a whole morning of public service broadcasting is required to explain just what is going on and why everyone is being cheerful to each other.
67. If you want to raise interesting socio-political questions in your movie, it's important that you never develop them, instead pushing them aside in favour of dull psuedo-horror tripe.
68. Making horror movies scary is overrated.
69. Selling your neighbours systems to make them safer is a really good reason for them wanting to sadistically have you murdered.
70. Not a lesson but- If the Purge suspends all laws for one night, does that include the laws of the Purge?
71. An 8-year-old could be let in to see 18-certificate Spring Breakers on Purge night. That's probably what Ethan Hawke had in mind when he said "We should watch a movie with the kids", going on the parenting skills on disaplay.
72. It's possible to make a dull, terrible movie out of a concept that is so, so strong if you're cack-handed enough. Hollywood is a tragic place a times. Let someone with some ounce of talent remake it.
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