Cast your minds back to last year. You undoubtedly weren't reading this blog, but if you were, you'd be about to come across an article in which I decided that Rise of the Planet of the Apes was my favourite film of 2011, an award I pretty quickly decided was more deserving of The Artist. All the same, this year, I'm going for a full-blown ceremony. A proper, Oscar-style affair, in which, instead of an Academy worth of snotty old critics, you get me. I'm none of those thing, but only because I have a remarkably sound immune system. I'm about to nominate a foreign language film and a documentary for Best Picture, so don't get too up on me being some mainstream-teen-attention-seeking-so-and-so.
I've only been able to go on what I've seen, and so as I've only seen 5 foreign language films this year, (And one being the 7 Days in Havana, which was, to put it mildly, boredom Cubed. [There's a gag there. It's a Cuban film. Fine, don't laugh, it's alright.]) I've gone with just 4 nominees. No Rust and Bone, no Untouchable, but plenty of Mads Mikkelsen. If a film hasn't been released in the UK yet, (Zero Dark Thirty, I'm looking at you) I obviously can't count it, but it shall, instead, be open for nomination in 2013.
I introduced two *ALL-NEW* categories as well. 'Most Enjoyable' allows me to nominate some of the experiences that made me smile the most, even if they're not a technical marvel. My favourite film of the year is The Muppets, thanks to the lighthearted performance, sharp script and upbeat soundtrack. That's not a spoiler. It is, however, not nominated for Best Picture. I felt there had to be a distinction between 'Best' and 'Favourite, something I've tried to explore before. No films have been nominated for both categories, although I was on the verge of putting both Paranorman and Moonrise Kingdom down for both. I think I'm going to say it's banned, but I may not stick to that come next year.
The other new category is Best Cameo Performance. In order to qualify, a character must be playing a character, (I.E. not themselves) but appear for less than, roughly, 5 minutes of the film. I'm not sure how much Chuck Norris was in The Expendables 2, but seeing him was so much fun I had to include him anyway. And I'm going to spoil this one a bit too, but it is a straight fight between him and Zac Effron's laugh-out-loud appearance in the loveliest film of the year, Liberal Arts.
I've also got three awards for the worst of the year, which are somewhat dominated by bone-crunchingly dull bum-log Battleship. That said, Top Cat was pretty dire as well, and has the addition problem of me being a fan. Could be a tightly fought category, that one.
In terms of pre-empting the inevitable write-ups from other website, Skyfall (The best Bond film.) leads the way with 6 nominations. Danish period masterclass A Royal Affair, Gyllenhaal-fueled cop thriller End of Watch and Christopher Nolan film The Dark Knight Rises pick up 4 apiece. Battleship gets 4 nominations in 3 'worst of' categories. Pretty impressive, if I do say so myself.
The winners shall be announced in the first week of January. It's going to be very exciting. The nominations, including a few surprises (Just look at the best actor category. I'm shocked at myself.), are below...
BEST PICTURE
A Royal Affair
End of Watch
The Imposter
Moonrise Kingdom
Paranorman
Skyfall
MOST ENJOYABLE/CHARMING/FUNNIEST PICTURE
Marvels’ Avengers
Assemble
Liberal Arts
The Muppets
Pitch Perfect
Sightseers
Ted
BEST ACTOR (LEADING ROLE) WITH THANKS TO GENE WILDER
Daniel Craig (Skyfall)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
(Looper)
Jake Gyllenhaal (End
of Watch)
Mads Mikkelsen (The
Hunt)
Chris O’Dowd (The
Sapphires)
Jeremy Renner (The
Bourne Legacy)
BEST ACTRESS (LEADING ROLE)
Keira Knightley
(Seeking a Friend for the End of the World)
Jennifer Lawrence
(Silver Linings Playbook/The Hunger Games)
Elizabeth Olsen
(Liberal Arts)
Noomi Rapace
(Prometheus)
Alicia Vikander (A
Royal Affair)
Quvenzhane Wallis
(Beasts of the Southern Wild)
THE BILL NIGHY AWARD FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Javier Bardem
(Skyfall)
Tom Hardy (The Dark
Knight Rises)
Mads Mikkelsen (A
Royal Affair)
Gary Oldman (The Dark
Knight Rises)
Philip Seymour Hoffman
(The Master)
Bruce Willis (Looper)
BEST ACTRESS (SUPPORTING ROLE)
Amy Adams (The Master)
Judi Dench (Skyfall)
Anne Hathaway (The
Dark Knight Rises)
Anna Kendrick (End of
Watch)
Rebel Wilson (Pitch Perfect)
Emma Watson (The Perks
of Being a Wallflower)
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM SPONSORED BY THE
DANISH TOURIST BOARD
A Royal Affair
(Denmark)
The Hunt (Denmark)
Amour (France)
Yuma (Poland)
THE PRESTIGIOUS OWEN AWARD FOR BEST ANIMATED FILM
Brave
Frankenweenie
Hotel Transylvania
The Lorax
Madagscar 3: Europe’s
Most Wanted
Paranorman
BEST DIRECTOR
Wes Anderson (Moonrise
Kingdom)
David Ayer (End of
Watch)
Sam Mendez (Skyfall)
Christopher Nolan (The
Dark Knight Rises)
Bart Layton (The
Imposter)
Joss Whedon (Marvels’
Avengers Assemble)
THE ME IN 20 YEARS TIME AWARD FOR BEST SCREENPLAY
The Cabin in the Woods
The Muppets
Paranorman
Seven Psychopaths
Sightseers
Ted
BEST SOUNDTRACK
The Muppets
The Perks of Being a
Wallflower
Pitch Perfect
Pitch Perfect
Seven Psychopaths
Sightseers
Skyfall
BEST CAMEO PERFORMANCE
Johnny Depp (21 Jump
Street)
Zac Efron (Liberal
Arts)
Bill Nighy (Total
Recall)
Chuck Norris (The
Expendables 2)
Tilda Swinton
(Moonrise Kingdom)
Sigorney Weaver (The
Cabin in the Woods)
WORST FILM
Battleship
Top Cat: The Movie
7 Days in Havana
Paranormal Activity 4
So Undercover
Lay the Favourite
WORST ACTOR/ACTRESS
Miley Cyrus (So
Undercover)
Rebecca Hall (Lay the Favourite)
Leigh Francis (Keith
Lemon: The Film)
Taylor Kitsch
(Battleship/John Carter)
Rihanna (Battleship)
Chris Pine (This Means
War)
ADAM SANDLER AWARD FOR LEAST POSITIVE
CONTRIBUTION TO FILM
The Mexicans who made
the Top Cat film
Taylor Kitsch
The accountant who
commissioned Paranormal Activity 4/Taken 2/Men in Black 3/Bourne Legacy
3D
The Prometheus hype
McG
The winners shall be announced on the 31st December 2012. Probably.
The winners shall be announced on the 31st December 2012. Probably.
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