Film What I Saw #6: Johnny English Reborn

It's probably best that I'll start off by saying that I'm a huge fan of Rowan Atkinson. In my eyes, he's the funniest physical comedian in the world, and up there with the all-time best comic actors. Mr. Bean is amongst the most hilarious TV series ever made, and even Atkinson poorer efforts, such as the two Bean movies, have still had numerous laugh-out-loud moments. The original Johnny English was one of the daftest films I've ever seen. The whole thing was extremely predictable, extraordinarily stupid and yet somehow very, very funny. Whilst I'm aware that others may not share this opinion, I thought it best to lay down the fact that I went into JER with higher expectations than I really should for what is, essentially, Mr Bean pretending to be James Bond for 90 minutes.

I was expecting to be disappointed. The 'Aisle or window seat' gag near the start was a total miss, although there had -admittedly- been a snigger previously as the title character bounced his way through the 'training'. The film continued as Mr. English finds his way back to London to rejoin MI9, with my expectations turning to a perhaps appropriate level, although I need not have been so concerned. It wasn't long before the film had set me off again. Perhaps 'serious critics' may turn their nose up at the film, but I think to deny that Johnny English Reborn is very, very funny is to go against the majority's opinion, and I happen to be one of the majority.

It's hard to write about comedy, especially good comedy. And even more so, slapstick comedy. Atkinson's work relies so heavily on the element of surprise that naturally occurs when we see a helicopter traveling along a road as if it were a car. There's plenty of gags that can tease a snigger out, if anything more than the original, which seemed to almost take its plot seriously. This one's jokes are usually hits, but they tend to be around the outside of the dartboard, with only one or two comic bulls-eyes lingering on the tape. There's nothing quite as funny as the muscle-relaxant drug from the original, but it's still the funniest of three comedies I've seen this year, and, as such, is certainly recommended.

7 voice-changing sweets out of 10

The computer is fixed, all praise the man who doesn't speak fluent English

My computer broke. Everything went funny. It's now fixed, and I'm finally back on here, ready to post some blog-based nonsense. Here are 5 intresting things that have happened since my computer broke, because this post seems too brief otherwise:


-NZ won the World Cup final this morning. That's sort-of interesting.

-I finally got my hands on Rugby Challenge. It's quite good, although hardly a Game Of The Year contender under any circumstances. Passing is broken, there's no team selection for random matches, there's a large number of irritating glitches and many squads are incorrect even for last season. However, as a Rugby fan, I'm enjoying it...

-Zelda: Skyward Sword's got two near-perfect reviews, which is very exciting. I'm really looking forward to it now, it's on a ridiculous level of anticipation, even greater than at the peak of my Rugby Challenge hyping, or Galaxy 2. Not since Brawl have I been this excited about a game. It's gonna be great...

-I saw Johnny English Reborn, but there'll be more on that later in the next Films What I saw. I've also watched most of The Body Farm, which has impressed me.And The Apprentice starts on Monday!!

-Erm, actually, that's all. I only had 4 exciting things happen, really. The rest is fairly mundane. Well, it all has been, but the rest, even more so. I'm normally pretty selective over what I blog about. I haven't been here. Sorry. I'll get back into the swing of things quickly.

Film What I Saw #5: Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Firstly, apologies for no blog in a while. I'd been away (physically) then mentally absent, hence this blogs hiatus. However, today I have been to the cinema and seen a film what I has decided that I will review, innit. Because I review all films I see. Anyway, for those of you reading this in the future, you no doubt won't care about my disappearance, and more about what I thought of the film I'm about to talk about. So let's begin.

I'm not going to pretend that The Planet of the Apes series has been a major part of my life. There shall be no tales of how it affected my childhood, because it didn't. My knowledge of the franchise stems from what I've been told by others and seeing a TV re-run of the pretty bad Tim Burton remake. Yet this lack of emotional attachment to the originals has had no impact on my judgement of the latest instalment in the franchise, a long-awaited reboot.

And what a boot the series has been given. Gone are the silly costumes that seem to plague peoples memories, replaced by some of the most impressive CGI I've ever seen. There's a story that moves at just the right pace, giving the audience time to adjust and understand, but never to get bored. And best of all, said plot is a good 'un. It sees a drug that can apparently increase brain development and rebuild deteriorating patches, supposedly the cure for Alzheimer's, tested on chimpanzees, with largely positive effects. I don't want to spoil any more for those who haven't seen it, and if you do want to know more before watching, the trailer does a far better job of summing it up than me. The key point about this most fantastical of sci-fi plots, though, is that it is something that originated from the ever-controversial issue of animal testing- an idea so obviously Planet of the Apes it's genius. The angle the film takes, or -more to the point- the lack of one, on the issue is, however, one of director Rupert Wyatt's greatest ideas. The oft-debated concept the film is centred around is no more than a plot device. The anti-animal testing is extremely subtle, as it's more used as a way of getting us on head ape Ceaser's side, partically thanks to a good performance from Draco Malfoy as The Boy Everyone Loves To Hate, a part he does so well.

My fears of the film losing it's way in the action-centred final third thankfully were proved to be in vain, as the rise of the movement that begins the rise of the planet of the apes is, like the rest of the film, excellently portrayed and doesn't feel like the excuse to make the trailer more exciting, as it easily could have been. It's instead a nice change, as halfway through the film we do have a lot of shots of apes in cages. However, they never get dull, and are broken up nicely by the scenes involving scientist and Ceaser's father-figure Will (James Franco) wandering around in more versatile locations. Franco puts in an excellent performance as a dad that wants desperately his son back, one that more than forgives him for the utter tripe that was Your Highness, the worst film I've seen this year.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes, however, is on the other end of that scale. Whilst I'm not going to pretend that I've seen an enormous range of this years' films (Partically thanks to the lack of anything but a multiplex nearby) it's still my favourite, as it's a blockbuster that is also interested in being a 'proper film'. It's about something. There's a genuine plot. It's not The Truman Show, it's not It's a Wonderful Life, but it's still a gem of it's own kind, albiet a rather hairy sort.

8.5 circus orangutans out of 10

These are the 30 players Wales should take to the World Cup.

Firstly, appologises it's been a while since my last post, and it's going to be so again, as I'm going to Italy tommorow, so I'll see you all a week today. Now that's the formalities over, in the past two weeks, I've witnessed Wales attempt to develop some kind of strength in depth over the course of two games, home and away, against England. I was lucky enough to be at the one in Cardiff, which was amazing, but the experience has helped me to narrow down my pick as to which players should be headed to New Zealand in under a months time. It'll be the pinacle of many of these players careers, and I'd say all of the ones I've selected have, on the whole, earnt it, with two exceptions, which I'll mention. Anyway, without further ado, here they are, my 30 for Wales:
FULLBACK

Lee Byrne
With Stoddart out, here's our only option. Having been first choice since 2008, he must be selected, and should probably be starting Vs. South Africa and Samoa (The biggest games) due to being a specalist. If we can find him on a good day, he'll be running good lines and using his rather handy 70-metre boot to good effect.


 WINGS

Shane Williams
He's arguably the best attacking player in the world. He's the top try-scorer of any Welshman (ever) or any current player. He's an utter legend and could by no means be left out.

Leigh Halfpenny
Outrageously quick, a fantastic tackler (Amongst the best cover-tacklers in the world) and he also has that seigegun boot to draw upon. A vital player, and one I'd start over George North just for his greater skill set. He should probably be our back-up Fullback as well.

George North
15 stone, 6 foot, 19 years old. Physically, he's a monster, but he's got the skills of a far smalle,r defter man, proving that big wingers don't have to be brain-dead Matt Banahans. 5 tries in 7 games says it all.



CENTRES

Jamie Roberts
Finally starting to regain form after his Lions exploits in 2009, Roberts has been on great form in the past two games and is looking increasingly like he's going to be a key part of Wales' plans at the World Cup. His defence has improved immesurably and he's starting to run at gaps again.

Jonathan Davies
The form centre in not only Wales but the British Isles in club rugby last season, Davies is finally starting to deliver on his poential thanks to his increased respect for the basic skill of passing. He's looking more and more like a playmaker with each passing game, but still offers Roberts-like physicality in midfield. He's also far too quick for his size.

Gavin Henson
Yes, I'd take him and no, I'm not watching The Bachelor on Friday. It's simple as this: Henson is a distributing 12. Wales need a distributer at 12. Henson use to be world class, before he went off the boil and took 18 months off from rugby. In his 20 mins on Saturday, I think he showed his poetential once more. I'd not only take him, but start him once he's fit again.

Scott Williams
Creeps in thanks to the Stoddart injury, he's virtualy a no-namer, but has really impressed me on all three of his bench appearances for Wales. He seems to have an eye for the gap and quite a bit of pace, as well as physicality. I recall him playing well for the u20s last year, and he's taken a massive step up.





Fly-Halves

James Hook
"James Hook... HOOK IS THROUGH! It's Wales who gets the try!" His try, plus two vital penalties, on Saturday just showed how key he is to Wales. Shane and Adam Jones aside, he's our best player, and he has to play every game (Possibly aside from Namibia) otherwise our creativty shall stiffle majorly. Fly-Half is his best positon, but he may be forced to act as that distributing 12.

Stephen Jones
Good ol' Stephen. Mr. Dependable. Soon to be Wales' most-capped player, Steve may yet be the man we need. A cool, calculating head and a very nice chap indeed, he's less likely to make the mistakes Hook or Priestland'll make, but at the same time, the risks he doesn't take may prevent Wales from scoring. I don't think Steveo stiffles Wales creativity or anything, but he won't start something himself like the other 2 would. However, I think him and Hook together may be what we need in a big game.

Rhys Priestland
If you'd told me a year ago that Rhys Priestland would be playing for Wales, I'd assume Gatland had thrown another wobbler. However, he's really earnt it, and then rewarded the Welsh coaches, and, indeed, public with two excellent displays against the Old Enemy. He's a cert for the plane now.


Scrum-Halves

Tavis Knoyle
At the minute, Tavis Knoyle is our best scrum-half. He suits our style of play, offering both physicality and quick ball and is also a great passer, unlike a certain Mr. Phillips. I can see the arguments that he isn't expeirenced enough to take on the Boks, but we'll see this wekeend when he plays Argentina.

Mike Phillips
Not because he's one of our three best scrum-halves, because he certainly isn't, but because he's the one getting all the gametime. The slowest in international Rugby by a long way, Phillips is pretty much useless in attack, but when it comes to defending he earns his worth, and he finally convinced me of that last week. He may be the man to sit on the bench and come on if we get a narrow lead.

Dwyane Peel
I have no idea what's going on with Dwyane Peel. He should probably be first choice, but he wasn't released until the 4th August, meaning he couldn't play Vs. England, and even then he was injured, according to Rob Howley, but then he says he's not and... AGGHH!! Just pick him. He's a good, all-round 9.


Props

Adam Jones
The best prop in the world. That's all.

Gethin Jenkins
He's going, no matter what state he's in. Probably the world's premier loosehead, he's an excellent scrummager but it's in the loose that his work is really apprechiated. He tackles and chases like a flanker and runs with the ball in hand like a centre. His work rate is phoenimum, and he also holds the world record for most tackles in one match bya prop- 18, a statistic the Richie McCaws and Thierry Dusitoirs of the world would be proud of.

Paul James
He's turned himself into a fine replacement for the currently ultra-injury prone Gethin Jenkins, and as such is likely to play the first game against the defending champions, and shall be on the bench for the big games once Gethin's fit again. A good scrummager and decent enough in the loose to pass at international level.

Craig Mitchell
He's struggled the past two weeks, but held up very, very well in the Six Nations against some world-class front rowers such as Castrogiovanni, Cole and Mas. He booked his flight to New Zealand long ago.

Ryan Bevington
Wonderfully athletic, he gets in thanks to Gethin's injury. He's a very intellegent footballer for a propa dn is currently learning to handle top-level scrummaging. Could find himself on the Lions tour in 2013 if he continues to develop at this pace.



Hookers

Richard Hibbard
He'll find himself as our first-choice at the World Cup thanks to Matthew Rees' incredibly unfortunate recovery (I wish him a speedy recovery). Thankfully, he's proved his worth as of late, and is, in my opinon, better than Dylan Hartley, Rory Best and Ross Ford, the first-choice hookers for each of the other home nations.

Huw 'Not Straight' Bennett
He's certainly not earnt his right to be playing for Wales. He's awful. He can't throw at all and is constantly mashed in the scrum. He's not even a good carrier, as Burns is. His one good trait is his knack of cleaning up after others when they make mistakes, although nobody can ever manage to clean up after his horrendous wobblers. However, he has to go as Ken Owens hasn't played for Wales yet.

Lloyd Burns
Again, he's not as good as Ken Owens, but he is capped, and has looked quite good in the loose, even if his throwing was rather poor on Saturday. He should be behind Ken, but finds himself infront. Good form for the Dragons is to thank for that. He's a good carrier, as mentioned above, though, so that's something.


Locks

Alun-Wyn Jones
Great tackle count, hard worker, good in the lineout. He's a leader. He must go and must start.

Bradley Davies
A hard-nosed player and a good carrier, Bradley and Alun-Wyn could and probably should be the Welsh boiler room combination for years to come. Both have already etched their way into the First XV, and as such little more has to be said on them.

Luke Charteris
A good performance on Saturday was, in my eyes, all he needed to get on the plane. he delivered, and so they're currently moddifying that particular jet to hold in 7-foot frame. His heigh is useful in the lineout, but he's also got some deft skills in those long arms, although he is somewhat more mistake prone than AWJ and Bradley.


Back Row

Danny Lydiate
Lydiate's game is simple: He hits hard, and he keeps hitting hard. He's a grafter, and he doesn't pretend to be any more or any less. Watch the game against Fiji, where he just smashed and continued to smash a team known for their physicality and the last All Blacks match, as he just took the NZ back-row out of the game, meaning Wales could keep hold of their own ball without a certain Mr. McCaw pinching it. We need him to provide some serious bish bash bosh.

Sam Warburton
The king is dead, long live the king... The only player to ever look like, let alone actually manage to, usurp Martyn 'legend' Williams from the Welsh no. 7 jesrey, Warburton is the modern-day jackle king and over the past few weeks has surpased David Pocock, in my eyes, anyway, as the second-best openside in world rugby. He'll probably be our captain, too.

Ryan Jones
He should be our starting No. 8, in my eyes, a decission that I think has finally been settled.. He's not as dynamic as Toby Faletau, but is a safe pair of hands in what is otherwise a very young and inexperienced back row. He'll also be the cover lock and 6.

Toby Faletau
Toby needs more time to turn himself into a top-level eightman, and in a vital RWC match Vs. the Springboks isn't the time to do it. Bench, maybe, but not starting. He should certainly go to the World Cup, mind. Hence his inclusion on this list.

Josh Turnbull
Turnbull's been in excellent form all season, and that's why he gets in. I would have liked to have seen him play at 6 this weekend, as I feel Lydiate's done enough, but I'd still say he's booked himself a place by not screwing up on any of his international cameos. He won Wales the penalty that clinched the win on Saturday, too, just proving that he can cope at the highest level.

Martyn Williams
Yes, he's 9000 years old, and yes, he's begining to drop off the pace, but I, along with the entire Welsh public, love Martyn and just want him to go to the World Cup. He doesn't have to earn it. All we have to do is get Jiffy to give Martyn a man-of-the-match award for the game against Argentina on Saturday, and we'll be happy. Please let him go, Mr. Gatland. He doesn't have to be first choice (Warburton has earnt that right) but I so want him to get his 100th cap, there is nobody more deserving...



So, that's my 30. I'd like to see Gareth Delve go, too, but he's been dropped from the squad thanks to 'Not being able to keep up in training' or something. I'll examine what Gatland does when I'm back home next week, after he names his actualy 30 on Monday, giving him 2 days to chew over the Argentina game and decide he realy does want to take Martyn Williams. Until next time...

Films What I Saw #4: Captain America: the First Avenger

I saw Captain America a few days ago despite wanting to see Arrietty, but it's quite hard to convince a group of young males to watch a Japanese animation based on the Borrowers when they're hell-bent on watching a genetically modified super-human blow stuff up, for some reason. It's taken me this long to write anything on it because I really have nothing to say on the subject. This film somehow seems to have broken into new levels of averageness. Usually, saying 'Average' means there is nothing in any regard remarkable about a film. Captain America, however, is remarkable for being just as average as it is. It's as average as a Metacritic review score. Which, for this, incdently a very average 56.

What can I say about it that I haven't already said? Chris Evans is alright, although I wasn't fond of the CGI-ing of his head onto a skinier body, the woman is alright, the special effects are slightly above alright, but then that's to be expected considering the above-average budget, meaning that anything less would be poor. This has no doubt been a rubbish 'review', and I must say that in inverted commas, because I don't feel this has been structured enough to be considered a 'review', but it just felt utterly unremarkable and unambitious. The whole 'blockbuster' thing is almost starting to get on my wick now. Whilst I'm not going to start any campaigns against it, nor boycott them because I'm obviously not perswasive enough to convince anybody to see anything that cost under a gazillion dollars, I'm bored of the idea, bored of the ad campaigns and, most importantly, bored of the films. While this wasn't as bad as Pirates of the Carebean 4 when it comes to the most boring 'Blockbuster' I've seen this year, it certainly wasn't anything inspirational and lacked the original, thought-provoking angle on the base material the X-Men films have taken, which I was harsh on by virtue of it being my first film I spoke about on this blog, and therefor meaning it didn't get a 'proper' review. The 'America needs an icon' is a good idea, but the filmmakers did nothing to improve on that, so, as such, it gets a very average score of...

5 Toby Jones doing German accents out of 10

100, thank you!

You know you're blog isn't that popular when after nearly two months of blogging, you create a post to thank everyone for visiting because you've just hit 100 hits. Cheers, guys.

The Rugby Challenge has, indeed, just begun...

At the moment, I'm trying to write indivdual content for, believe it or not, five sites. At once. It's a nightmare. A CV-bolstering nightmare, granted, but a nightmare nonetheless. Ontop of this rather lovely blog, I'm also working on three reviews for KN, (The Batman: Arkham Asylum one should be up soon. It's scored quite well) plus a variety of other assorted features for it that shall be unveiled in their proper time and I'm also involved as a newsy-type on website AV Gamers, writing newsy things about, funnily enough, games. Then there's a secret project which I can't mention to anyone, at all, ever. Really, it's a secret. All in all: I'm quite busy, although it feels like I'm doing nothing because these words are being written about video games, films and TV, which seem like nothing-subjects to me. I'm also on Twitter.

However, I find much of my time (When I'm not plugging my own work) being spent working out what exactly I'm going to do with the game once I finally get my hands on Jonah Lomu Rugby Challenge. As a Rugby fan, I've always been likely to be interested in the game, but it's really surpasing my expectations. I haven't played it, but I've watched every single video of it on the internet, plus the one of the pre-release build that got leaked out and quickly pulled down. It looks smooth enough, I guess, but then it's got all the club sides anyone'd ever want to play as. (Although regrettably no Japanese league) And the vast majority of the player likenesses we've seen are spot-on. My only concern is whether or not Kiwi devs Sidhe, who seem to have done a sterrling job, have accurately rated Pat Leach or Morgan Allen, or any of the more obscure Welsh players. I trust they'll get the attributes of Shane Williams and Adam Jones down to a tee, but if they can nail the perfection that is Jason Tovey's tactical kicking, then I'll be impressed.

Look at George North's digital face! it's amazing! ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG! Oh, and there's Shane Horgan too. Hi Shane Horgan.

I'm excited for this game in a riddiculous way. While I don't feel as determinded about its upcoming greatness as I do, say, Zelda: Skyward Sword, I've got this total anxiety to play it, which probably comes across in this blog post, which is probably the worst structured, most rambliest I've done in a while. I've also chosen not to spellcheck or proof read it, in true fanboy blog style. There was no planning for this. My excitement for Rugby Challenge is not because it's going to be a Game of the Year contender, (Although with the pannel including myself and Grancko, it may sneak into the Top 20) but because it's the kind of game I've dreamt of making. Gameplay that actually works and all the licensed teams I'd ever want, and then a player creator for the unlicensed  teams I'd want? Cheers, Sidhe. It's a totally rational game to love as a Rugby fan, but as a person that is on the verge of gaining some respect in the games industry as a review-type, it's irrational. But I don't care, because in late August/early September, I'll be able to control a digital Tavis Knoyle, and nobody can take that away from me.