Frances Ha, the film of the year

Happy, joyous, blissful, chipper, elated, cheerful, ecstatic, sparkling, sunny, gleeful, upbeat, thrilled, merry, gay. This is how Frances Ha made me feel.

Just an insistent bombardment of joy from minute one through eighty-six. No film has ever made me feel as happy as the perfect string of celluloid projected so beautifully upon the cinema screen this morning. Hell, I haven't felt this happy, generally, all year. Even when the film is melancholic or cold, even when the tone of what's happening on screen isn't as feverishly joyous, the film manages to portray a thread of optimism; it shows a way through, always looking at the light at the end of the tunnel, rather than the blackness that surrounds us. Not since It's a Wonderful Life, my very favourite film, have I seen this particular theme portrayed on screen with such success.

It's a film about a character, and it's a character I love. Frances' best firend, Sophie, becomes quite an unsympathetic character for a number of reasons, but more than anything for me, through jealousy. I wanted to be Frances' best friend. I'd never seen Greta Gerwig act before, and I kinda hope Hollywood don't notice her stella turn, because in my mind she is Frances, and I couldn't take seeing her do anything else, so perfect is her character.

Frances Ha is so upbeat it's actually offputting. It made me feel so happy I had to put aside an entire day to bouncing, to skipping down the streets, to grinning at every passer-by. All I want to do is run around trying to find the closest ATM and to shout "Ahoy Sexy!" at everyone I know. Frances Ha is magnificent, film making at it's very best. Everyone, whoever you are, please see it.

72 things The Purge taught me

Spoilers blah blah blah.

Centres in Britain & Ireland I rate higher than Brad Barritt

To celebrate the big South African's Lions call up, here's a grand list of players I think should be above him. I don't care if a number are injured. It's a comprehensive list.

Teacher to race Bolt over GCSE reforms

Teacher and former Kent fullback Nigel Plod, 48, is to race Olympic Gold Medallist Usain Bolt in a 100-metre sprint in the hope of beating him because he is not very happy with the governments’ proposed reforms to the education system.

The Overt Prestige

More revision materials. This time, it's the synopsis for Christopher Nolan's The Prestige, re-written about linguistic concept of Overt and Covert Prestige...

In the end of the Nineteenth Century, in London, Robert Angier, his beloved wife Julia McCullough and Alfred Borden are friends and users of an RP accept. When Julia accidentally dies during a performance, Robert blames Alfred for her death and they develops a strong regional accent. Both become famous and rival magicians, sabotaging the performance of the other on the stage by inserting flat /a/s and tricking them into monopthongising their vowels. When Alfred performs a successful trick, Robert becomes obsessed trying to disclose the secret of his competitor with tragic consequences. 

I Love Ross Perot (Lyrics)

To the tune of I Love Rock And Roll by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNQDIIg7nRo).
I saw him dancin' there 'bout his record figuresI knew they must've been making Clinton stirThe campaign was goin' strongLike a political King Kong,I could tell it wouldn't be longTill he was president, yeah me, because
I love Ross PerotSo put another chad in the ballot box, babyI love Ross PerotSo come an' take your time an' vote for him
He smiled so I got up and asked for his party“That don't matter,” he said'Cause it's all the sameSaid, “I'm standing for Reform, running all alone”An' next we were movin' onI was voting for Ross, yeah Ross
Next we were movin' onI was voting for Ross, yeah Ross, singin'
I love Ross PerotSo put another chad in the ballot box, babyI love Ross PerotSo come an' take your time an' vote for him
Said, “I'm standing for Reform, running all alone”
An we'll be movin' onWanting to reduce the deficit,Yeah with me, votin'
I love Ross PerotSo put another chad in the ballot box, babyI love Ross PerotSo come an' take your time an' vote for him

Extracts from Baz Lurham's Great Gatsby novelisation

"Gatsby?" demanded Daisy "What Gatsby?". Suddenly, Baz Lurhman turns up, slaps her in the face and shouts "THIS GATSBY!".

I have only been drunk twice in my life, and the second time was when I met Baz Lurhman and he shoved thirty pints down my neck, an imperial ton of coke up my nose and made us both jump up and down like a little girl on a space hopper, shouting "I'm a camera! I'm a camera!".

"You can't repeat the past" "Repeat the past? ...Why, of course you can" "Yeah, you're probably right, Leo. I should've set Gatsby in the modern day and given them all bazookas."