Grand Owen Awards 2012 Nominees announced!

Cast your minds back to last year. You undoubtedly weren't reading this blog, but if you were, you'd be about to come across an article in which I decided that Rise of the Planet of the Apes was my favourite film of 2011, an award I pretty quickly decided was more deserving of The Artist. All the same, this year, I'm going for a full-blown ceremony. A proper, Oscar-style affair, in which, instead of an Academy worth of snotty old critics, you get me. I'm none of those thing, but only because I have a remarkably sound immune system. I'm about to nominate a foreign language film and a documentary for Best Picture, so don't get too up on me being some mainstream-teen-attention-seeking-so-and-so.

I've only been able to go on what I've seen, and so as I've only seen 5 foreign language films this year, (And one being the 7 Days in Havana, which was, to put it mildly, boredom Cubed. [There's a gag there. It's a Cuban film. Fine, don't laugh, it's alright.]) I've gone with just 4 nominees. No Rust and Bone, no Untouchable, but plenty of Mads Mikkelsen. If a film hasn't been released in the UK yet, (Zero Dark Thirty, I'm looking at you) I obviously can't count it, but it shall, instead, be open for nomination in 2013.

I introduced two *ALL-NEW* categories as well. 'Most Enjoyable' allows me to nominate some of the experiences that made me smile the most, even if they're not a technical marvel. My favourite film of the year is The Muppets, thanks to the lighthearted performance, sharp script and upbeat soundtrack. That's not a spoiler. It is, however, not nominated for Best Picture. I felt there had to be a distinction between 'Best' and 'Favourite, something I've tried to explore before. No films have been nominated for both categories, although I was on the verge of putting both Paranorman and Moonrise Kingdom down for both. I think I'm going to say it's banned, but I may not stick to that come next year.

The other new category is Best Cameo Performance. In order to qualify, a character must be playing a character, (I.E. not themselves) but appear for less than, roughly, 5 minutes of the film. I'm not sure how much Chuck Norris was in The Expendables 2, but seeing him was so much fun I had to include him anyway. And I'm going to spoil this one a bit too, but it is a straight fight between him and Zac Effron's laugh-out-loud appearance in the loveliest film of the year, Liberal Arts.

I've also got three awards for the worst of the year, which are somewhat dominated by bone-crunchingly dull bum-log Battleship. That said, Top Cat was pretty dire as well, and has the addition problem of me being a fan. Could be a tightly fought category, that one.

In terms of pre-empting the inevitable write-ups from other website, Skyfall (The best Bond film.) leads the way with 6 nominations. Danish period masterclass A Royal Affair, Gyllenhaal-fueled cop thriller End of Watch and Christopher Nolan film The Dark Knight Rises pick up 4 apiece. Battleship gets 4 nominations in 3 'worst of' categories. Pretty impressive, if I do say so myself.

The winners shall be announced in the first week of January. It's going to be very exciting. The nominations, including a few surprises (Just look at the best actor category. I'm shocked at myself.), are below...

ALL THE FILMS EVER

This is how I am doing reviews from now on because I cannot be bothered with doing proper ones and like to pretend I'm too busy but I'm not really. Instead, I'll just edit this post and add every single film I see in 2012 on, along with a score out of 10 and 5 words to accompany it. Simple. Because you don't actually care about my opinion, but I want it written down somewhere I won't lose.

I shall update this every single time I visit the cinema this year, which shall be quite often seeing as I've signed up for one of those Unlimited Cards that let you see as many films as you can stomach. I added links to films with article on EverBirdd, the site what I do words for and that, if I've written a more in-depth review. Just click on the films' title.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows: 5/10- Not a patch on Cumberbatch
The Artist: 8/10- Joyous, imaginative, very clever: recommended.
The Woman in Black: 6/10- Puts you on edge. BANG!
Hugo: 6/10- Beautiful and charming, if slow.
The Muppets: 9/10- I cried tears of joy.
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel:  6/10- Thankfully not 'Old Peoples' Hangover'
John Carter: 4/10-  Not silly or good enough.
Bel Ami: 4/10- It's R-Patz playing a knob.
This Means War: 4/10- Generic generic generic generic GENERIC.
We Bought A Zoo: 7/10- Absolutely lovely: Cheesey but charming.
21 Jump Street: 7/10-  Not Monty Python, but funny.
The Hunger Games: 8/10-  Gleefully grim kiddy murdering- Superb.
The Pirates! In an adventure with Scientists: 8/10- Perfect showcase of Aardman's wit.
Battleship: 1/10-  Boring. Stupid. Hateful. Crass. AVOID.
The Cabin in the Woods: 7/10- Smart, sharp yet somehow disappointing.
Marvel's Avengers Assemble: 8/10- Surprisingly cohesive, funny and good.
American Pie: Reunion: 5/10- Not for me, but alright.
The Lucky One: 5/10- OMG ZAC UR SO HOT!!!!111
Men In Black 3: 6/10- Fun if unoriginal alien bashing.
Snow White and the Huntsman: 5/10- Kristen Stewart's a miserable one.
Dark Shadows: 5/10- Forgettable, but good Scooby-Doo joke.
Moonrise Kingdom: 8/10- Most charming film of 2012.
Top Cat: The Movie: 2/10- Not provided with any dignity.
Prometheus: 5/10- Could be scarier, but goodish.
The Dictator: 6/10-  Loses it in the middle.
The Angel's Share: 7/10- Movie equivalent of '500 Miles'.
Rock of Ages: 4/10- Rubbish, too long... Good fun.
A Royal Affair: 8/10- Denmark does The Kings' Speech.
Fast Girls: 7/10-  A simple story, brilliantly executed.
Jaws: 6/10- Aged well. My first time.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: 6/10- Surprisingly fun. It's rubbish though.
Red Lights: 6/10- It's quite good, it is.
Cosmopolis: ??/10- I honestly have no idea.
Lay The Favourite: 3/10- All 3 for Bruce Willis.
Ice Age 4: Continental  Drift: 5/10- Contains some surprisingly smart jokes.
Storage 24: 6/10- Quality horror on a budget.
The Amazing Spider-Man: 7/10- The title says it all.
7 Days in Havana: 3/10- Feels like 7 days too.
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World: 7/10- ...I feel more than fine.
Batman double screening: Batman Begins: 8/10- Better than I remembered it.
Batman double screening: The Dark Knight: 9/10- Best superhero film ever made.
The Dark Knight Rises: 8/10-  Lives up to the hype.
Dr Seuss' The Lorax: 5/10- It is what it is.
Ted: 8/10- Properly, laugh out loud funny.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days: 5/10- Cringefest 2012, presented in CITV-o-vision
Brave: 6/10- Merely 'Good'. Are Pixar fading?
The Bourne Legacy: 6/10- Hawkeye's really good in it.
Offender: 3/10- There's nothing good about it.
The Expendables 2: 6/10- Chuck Norris-shaped explosive fun.
The Three Stooges: 7/10- Witless and wonderful. Watch it.
The Wedding Video: 5/10- Rufus Hounds' actually really good.
The Watch: 5/10- Moss is brilliant. Otherwise: Mmmhhhmmmeeeehh.
Step Up 4: Miami Heat: 5/10- So bad but so fun.
Shadow Dancer: 5/10- No, sorry, you lost me.
The Imposter: 8/10- Cinematic, compelling, puzzling... Absolutely brilliant.
A Few Best Men: 4/10- Telegraphed & unfunny gags in union
Total Recall: 5/10- Needs more ambiguity, less CGI.
The Possession: 4/10- Is not: Scary. Is: Funny
Yuma: 6/10- Surprisingly good Polish communist romp
Keith Lemon: The Film: 4/10- 3 hits, 346 misses. Passable.
Anna Karenina:  5/10- Too long. Not enough Knightley.
Premium Rush: 5/10-  Has its moments. And JGL.
The Sweeney: 5/10- Corr guv, yer nicked. Meh.
Paranorman: 8/10- Charming, melancholic, funny, beautifully animated
House at the End of the Street: 5/10- I'm over creepy little girls.
Now is Good: 5/10- I'm over dying little girls.
Looper: 8/10-  Best sci-fi film in years.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower: 6/10- Good cast, good soundtrack... Good.
Taken 2: 5/10- A film reliant on stupidity.
Liberal Arts: 7/10- Liking IS reason for watching.
Ruby Sparks: 7/10- Love quirky romcoms. Like this.
Hotel Transelvania: 6/10- Surprisingly funny. Especially for Sandler.
Frankenweenie: 6/10- Very moving, if otherwise lacking.
Sinister: 6/10- As the title suggests: Sinister.
Madagscar 3: Europe's Most Wanted: 6/10- It's funny. Really. Series first.
Paranormal Activity 4: 2/10- ParaSNOREmal Activity BORE more like.
The Campaign: 4/10- A huge missed satirical opportunity.
Skyfall: 8/10- The best Bond film. Amazing.
Fun Size: 4/10- Victoria Justice's impressive. Film's not.
Argo: 7/10- A masterclass in movie pacing.
The Sapphires: 6/10- Chris O'Dowd: Greatest Living Human.
Here Comes The Boom: 4/10- Where goes what boom?
Beasts of the Southern Wild: 8/10- Wonderful. No more words needed.
Silver Linings Playbook: 6/10- She's good, that Jennifer Lawrence
End of Watch: 8/10- Intense with Gyllenhall on-form.
The Master: 6/10- Too long. No narrative. Engrossing.
The Hunt: 8/10- Mikkelson: A king amongst actors.
Sightseers: 7/10- Future cult classic. Brilliantly dark.
7 Psychopaths: 7/10- Fitting score. Impressively sharp script.
So Undercover: 3/10- 21 Jump Street, minus wit.
Amour: 7/10- What d'y'mean it's not real?
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: 5/10- It's long. Very, very long.
Life of Pi: 7/10- A well-crafted, beautiful film.
Pitch Perfect: 8/10- So much fun. Very funny.

REPEAT VIEWINGS
If I've seen a film for a second (Or third) times, it goes down under here. The rating is out of 5, from 'Well, I didn't really want to see it for a second time...' to 'Already booking my third trip'. It's entirely on how the film holds up, seeing it again within a month, rather than the quality of the piece. If there's another rating after the initial one, that means I've seen it three or four or how many ever times.

The Muppets- 5/5
The Pirates! In an adventure with Scientists- 4/5, 3/5, 3/5, 4/5
Marvel's Avengers Assemble- 5/5
Ice Age 4: Continental Drift- 2/5
The Dark Knight Rises- 5/5, 4/5, 4/5, 4/5, 4/5, 3/5
Ted- 3/5, 2/5
The Lorax- 3/5
Looper- 3/5
The Perks of Being a Wallflower: 5/5
Skyfall: 3/5
Seven Psychopaths: 4/5

HOW I SCORE
I count 5/10 as average, as opposed to the 7/10 that seems to increasingly be becoming commonplace. It's all my opinion and everything, and I reserve the right to change the score slightly if I change my mind about a film, although I do try not to play about too much. Instead of starting at the top and working down, as many seem to do, I like to start at 5 and see if a film can go up or down from there. 10/10 means flawless, and I've never seen such a film. 9/10 makes it a high-point within the genre, a real stand-out. An 8/10 film is a must-see: something that excels my expectations for that film. 6/10 means it's a good, enjoyable, solid example of the genre, whereas 4/10 means the opposite. The difference between a 2/10 and a 1/10 film is that a 2 means I'd kill to avoid seeing it again. 1/10 means I'd kill to have never seen it again. I won't be giving any 0s, unless the film doesn't exist. Far as the colours go, the numbers get darker or 'hotter', if you will, as the film gets better, all the way from a 1/10 to a 10/10. I won't be giving 0s, unless the film actually doesn't exist. Make sense? Thought so. Excellent.

What is the best film I have seen this year?

And so my first year as a 'Big film man' (As my wonderfully articulate younger brother so acutely puts it) comes rolling towards its satisfying climax. At the moment, I'm only a particularly good run. My best of the year, in fact. My last seven films have been my last seven good films. It feels like the world is trying to compensate for the two-and-a-half hours I spent watching Battleship. The interesting thing, however, is not the run itself -perhaps simply having less time means I've hand-picked the good films rather than just watching everything, stinkers 'n' all- but the films in this run.