Sunday, 12 May 2013

The Post-Hollywood Mission

I'm bored of blockbusters. Big-budget fluff more often than not without substance. A prime example is this week's Star Trek Into Darkness, which is quite good fun, but not anything spectacular. Actually no, it is something spectacular. It's just not anything else.

The reason JJ Abrams' sci-fi cash spinner works and, say, Die Hard 5 doesn't is because Abrams appreciates the art of variety. John McClaine's latest run-out was deadly boring, a poorly paced snooze riot in which the constant exploding helicopters seem to be there for the sole purpose of keeping the audience awake. Abrams keeps Star Trek pacey and while it does feel like 85% of the film is action sequences, they are all different from the last and interesting on some level. The characters are engaging and likeable, which helps too.

Unfortunately, Into Darkness is one of a dying breed. Iron Man 3, the other big release at the moment, is a film saved by Robert Downey Jr and a brilliant script from director Shane Black and witty brit Drew Pearce. I'm willing to defend that. However, move a screen down in your local multiplex and you may stumble into a screening of Olympus Has Fallen, a sopurific exploration of the American ability to pat oneself on the back. It's awful. It's the film more indicitive of the current market. In the past year and a half (The time since I've been an all-too-regular cinema-goer and therefore able to give an acturate account of what's been floating around), I've only given 4 big-budget titles (5 if you count Lincoln) the prestigious 8/10 rating. One of these was directed by Christiphor Nolan as well, so it doesn't really count. The Hunger Games was brilliantly gritty. It felt like a smaller, independent film by a good, well-meaning director with an interesting premise and glimmering lead given the budget it deserved, rather than a pile of money thrown at the screen until it turned into motion picture. Skyfall was an utter triumpth on every level, but this must be attributed to Sam Mendez. An art-house director with an eye for character just happened to be a genius at directing action as well, melding together a near-perfect Bond film. Same goes for Nolan and The Dark Knight Rises. There's a pattern here. At heart, these were smaller films, and would have worked without the money. Hollywood just gave them a chance to fulfill their entire potential, which is how I believe the system should work. The Avengers is something different, and the only reason I haven't lost all faith in the Tinsel Town set-up. In Joss Wheddon, Marvel found someone talented enough to turn the cash lobbed at the projector into something witty, exciting and imaginative. If we had more Joss Wheddons in the world, Hollywood would be a better place.

Unfortunately, we don't. We do, however, have plenty of interesting filmmakers plying their trade at the minute, giving us plenty to admire. The likes of Liberal Arts, In The House, Sightseers have all come out of the left field and made an impact on me. Films from all over the globe, not just one corner of LA or the same studio in London. Sightseers was filmed in the Yorkshire Dales, for crying out loud. This is, over the past 18 months, what going to the cinema has become for me. Not a mode of light entertainment, but a hunt. A hunt for a piece of art, for a film that really means something. In amongst the mass-produced tripe lay the gems. Find them. That's my calling. Dawdle down the coridors of Cineworld, and find them.

And find them I will.

Gatsby joke I couldn't fit on Twitter

I once said that Carey Mulligan's Eyes should have won the Oscar for Never Let Me Go. I've just discovered that her rival for the role of Daisy in the Great Gatsby was Amanda Seyfried, who has peepers so big they were listed seperately on the Les Miserable cast list.

Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Problems I have with 'On The Metro' by Girls Aloud

Catchy tune, granted, but I have some real problems with the lyrics and the story being told in them. Perhaps I've been thinking about it too much. I've definately been listening to it too much.



1. There's five members of Girls Aloud. All of them sing about the same bloke at one point or another. This leaves three option. The first is that they've had the same experience, with a man disappearing after they come back from powdering their nose. You'd have thought, considering how deeply it affected them, they'd have told the others, and they could have avoided popping off to the 'powder room' when they meet a guy they really like. Unless there's a secret underground league of men who go to discos with the sole aim of upsetting a member of a girl group, spotting Cheryl Cole and moving in to try and cause her to cry on her way home, with their colleague having done exactly the same thing to Nicola Roberts the night before. The second option is that the girls can merge into one person, kind of like the Megazord in Power Rangers. The third is that when they say 'A little one-to-one', they mean 'A little five-to-one', with all of them obsessing over the same boy. If this is the case, I think he was well within his rights to do a runner.

Tuesday, 30 April 2013

My reaction to the Lions Squad

Leigh Halfpenny (Wales)- Yes. No more words need be said.
Stuart Hogg (Scotland)- I'm glad he's gone. An electric young fullback.
Robert Kearney (Ireland)- The most over-rated player in Europe, but was class in 2009.

Tommy Bowe (Ireland)- My favourite player.
Alex Cuthbert (Wales)- Best finisher in world rugby. A well-deserved call-up.
George North (Wales)- Obviously.
Sean Maitland (Scotland)- Good player, but don't think he and his Kiwi-ness should be on a Lions tour.

Jonathan Davies (Wales)- A no-brainer, really, provided he gets his passing in place.
Brian O'Driscoll (Ireland)- More legend than man. Australia'll be quaking in their boots.
Jamie Roberts (Wales)- Battering ram required for the Gatland gameplan.
Manu Tuilagi (England)- Once he learns to pass, he'll be brilliant. This might be the time.

Owen Farrell (England)- No, no, no. Hotheaded without an idea about attacking rugby.
Jonathan Sexton (Ireland)- Can't really argue.

Mike Philips (Wales)- The Test Match Animal himself.
Ben Youngs (England)- Yeah, fair enough, let's move on.
Connor Murray (Ireland)- An abomination of a scrum half. Slow, static and fond of a poor decision or two. What have Care and Laidlaw got to do to go?

Gethin Jenkins (Wales)- Well-deserved after a very good Six Nations
Adam Jones (Wales)- Best scrummager in world rugby. A given.
Maku Vunipola (England)- Kinda passable, but I'd rather have seen Ryan Grant.
Dan Cole (England)- Second best tighthead in the world. Well deserved call-up.
Matt Stevens (England)- WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Cian Healy (Ireland)- I don't like him, but I can't argue with his inclusion.

Richard Hibbard (Wales)- So glad he's gone. Been championing him for years.
Dylan Hartley (England)- A talentless scumbag who nobody likes. Which is apparently all you need from a Lion.
Tom Youngs (England)- Ken Owens & Rory Best are both better than him, but let's move on.

Ian Evans (Wales)- Glad he's gone. He deserves this.
Alun Wyn Jones (Wales)- Such a good player.
Richie Gray (Scotland)- On poor form, but still a very good player who deserves his chance.
Paul O'Connell (Ireland)- A Lion through and through
Geoff Parling (England)- If we're picking a lineout specialist, I'd rather see Hamilton go. Never mind.

Sean O'Brien (Ireland)- A very good player and shall make a very good Lion.
Justin Tipuric (Wales)- Tommy's only real challenger. What a man.
Danny Lydiate (Wales)- Bold decision, and one I might not have made, but don't disagree with at all.
Tom Croft (England)- Shall suit Australia. Not going to quarrel.
Toby Faletau (Wales)- Hard-running, hard-working. A no brainer really.
Jamie Heaslip (Ireland)- A poor choice. On bad, bad form, while Ben Morgan & John Beattie are playing well.

Sam Warburton (Wales) - Captain - Can't argue. Well done Sam, just 10 games to go. See us home.

Monday, 29 April 2013

The Squad Gatland Will Pick

I've picked the team I'd select (Though I did pick it by Gatland's rules- I'd take 38 with Jonathan Sexton as a third Outside Half), so here's the one I think Warren Gatland will name in 24 hours time. I shall mark myself against his actual selections tomorrow...

Props
Gethin Jenkins, Cian Healy, Adam Jones, Paul James, Dan Cole, Mike Ross

Hookers
Richard Hibbard, Rory Best, Tom Youngs

Locks
Alun Wyn Jones, Paul O'Connell, Ian Evans, Geoff Parling, Richie Gray

Flankers
Sam Warburton, Justin Tipuric, Tom Croft, Chris Robshaw, Sean O'Brien, Danny Lydiate

No. 8
Toby Faletau, Ben Morgan

Scrum Halves
Mike Phillips, Ben Youngs, Greig Laidlaw

Fly Halves
Jonathan Sexton, Dan Biggar

Centres
Jamie Roberts, Brian O'Driscoll, Jonathan Davies, Manu Tuilagi

Wings
George North, Alex Cuthbert, Tommy Bowe, Christian Wade

Fullbacks
Leigh Halfpenny, Stuart Hogg

Sunday, 28 April 2013

My Final Lions Squad

On Tuesday, at 11am, Warren Gatland shall end months of speculation and, with it, begin another few months of arguing. His 37-man Lions squad shall finally be public knowledge, in the same way mine and my ever-changing mind has been for the past 6 months or so. So, here we go. My final squad choice, just two days before Gatland names him.

September - October - November - Didn't do one in December - January - February - March - April

1. Gethin Jenkins
2. Richard Hibbard
3. Adam Jones
4. Paul O'Connell
5. Jim Hamilton
6. Sam Warburton
7. Justin Tipuric
8. Ben Morgan

9. Mike Phillips
10. Dan Biggar
11. Alex Cuthbert
12. Jamie Roberts
13. Brian O'Driscoll
14. Tommy Bowe
15. Leigh Halfpenny

16. Rory Best
17. Ryan Grant
18. Dan Cole
19. Richie Gray
20. Toby Faletau
21. Ben Youngs
22. Jonny Wilkinson
23. Manu Tuilagi

24. Paul James
25. Cian Healey
26. Ken Owens
27. Ian Evans
28. Alun Wyn Jones
29. Tom Wood
30. Chris Robshaw
31. Sean O'Brien
32. Greig Laidlaw
33. Ashley Beck
34. Jonathan Davies
35. George North
36. Tim Visser
37. Stuart Hogg

Monday, 15 April 2013

Pitch Perfect. Apt.



The Olympics is a fascinating time. While normally the general public has no interest in badminton, or pole vaulting, or that weird horse-dancing thing, once every four years we come together and watch the best in the world do their thing and appreciate it. It's unfortunate that cinema has no equivalent of the Olympics, as I think it's high time some people got off their high horse (Weird and dancing or otherwise) and gave the terrific Pitch Perfect a look. While on first glance it's easy to dismiss it as part of the whole Glee-High School Musical-Nonsense phenomenon, it's only upon watching Pitch Perfect that you can appreciate how smart the film is. A witty deconstruction of the genre with dialogue so sharp you worry at least one of the actors cut their tongue. I love Pitch Perfect and this is why.