It's World XV Time!

Well, that's it. The rugby season is over. Everything seems slightly pointless now, as we wait two months or so as nothing really happens but boring pre-season friendlies, obscure signings and rumours suddenly become interesting. There must be a better way to entertain the rugger-centric part of my brain in the meantime. Oh, I could always address the classic 'World XV' question. Yes, I'll do that. In my opinion, here's the best player from each position in the world. That's all.

15. Israel Dagg
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Leigh Halfpenny, Lucas Gonzalez Amorosino

The stand-out player in the All Blacks' World Cup triumpth in my opinion, and has backed it up since by simply being a brilliantly rounded fullback. While Halfpenny has been incredibly solid since his move to the back and Amorosino remains one of my favourite players in the world, Dagg combines the Welshman's defensive qualities and kicking with the pure flair of the Argentine. Makes up for his ultra-slappable face.

14. George North
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Tommy Bowe, Vincent Clerc
I was sat in the north stand of the Millennium Stadium as, during this years Six Nations, Italy made a loose kick that went straight into the hands of George North. North turned round and looked to counter attack. The collective sense of excitement and anticipation was something I hadn't felt since Shane Williams was at his pinnacle in 2008. In the 11 shirt, Wales once more had a winger who could turn a game. He characterises both the typical Welsh number 14, a spark with great feet who could start and finish tries, as well as fitting the current blueprints for a 21st century winger- A Lomu-style lump who finishes like it's nobodies business. The best teenager to ever play the game. End of.

13. Brian O'Driscoll
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Conrad Smith, Jonathan Davies
I'll admit it: The great mans' powers are fading. I'd argue the case for him being greatest outside centre of all time, but in the recent test series against New Zealand you could almost see this shirt swinging in Conrad Smith's favour. I was looking for a picture of Smith to put here. Then I remembered the Heineken Cup final and how instrumental O'Driscoll was in breaking Ulsters' spirits. Perhaps he's become more likely to have quiet games, but when O'Driscoll's on top of his game, he's still the arguably the best player in the world and as such deserves this shirt.

12. Seilala Mapusua
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Sonny Bill Williams, Jamie Roberts
Somewhat of a controversial choice here, but I think Mapusua is an absolutely remarkable player. While Sonny Bill Williams is close to having built an all-round game and Roberts provides even more crash-bang-wallop than the Samoan, I doubt we'll ever see a more creative player in the frame of the former London Irish man. He offloads like Williams, crashes it up like Roberts, picks lines like Fofana, tackles like any Samoan and has alarmingly deft hands and an eye for an intercept. Most men his size purely use that. Mapusua reads the game and plays using the whole range of skills. And, as such, in my eyes, he's the best 12 in the world.

11. Digby Ioane
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Bryan Habana, Alesana Tuilagi
Defensive plan for beating Australia: Close down Genia quickly. Put pressure on Cooper (Provided he's playing, natch). And don't, don't, under any circumstances, let Ioane get the ball. Very few players break the line with the ease Ioane does, and even fewer know how to finish those chances like him. Solidly built, extremely quick and deceptively elusive, he's a spark, he's a poacher, he's generally world class. Such an exciting player that even in opposition, you can't help but hope that he does end up with the ball...

10. Dan Carter
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Francois Trinh-Duc, Aaron Cruden
Who else? For all of two seconds I thought about selecting Frances' Trinh-Duc or Argentinas' Juan Martin Hernandez for the sake of being controversial, because both are incredibly classy players and amongst my favourites, but Dan is, indeed, the man. He pulls the strings, the puppet that is the All Blacks operates beautifully. Fellow Kiwi Cruden has lately looked incredibly lively and so sneaks onto the 'Bubbling under' list, but nobody can grab a game by the scruff of the neck and drag it through the victory machine like Daniel William Carter.

9. Will Genia
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Francois Hoogard, Mike Blair
Yeah, Genia's brilliant. he's got it all. The first test against Wales in Queensland was a masterclass in scrum half play. I don't really have to say any more. Hoogard has really, really impressed me this summer, having been good in both the World Cup and last Tri-Nations while Blair is a massively underrated player, but a far better rugby brain and not to mention service than the massively overrated Mike Phillips.

1. Gethin Jenkins
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Tony Woodcock, Tendai 'Beast' Mtwareria
A strong scrummager, but where Geth gets his edge over the other quality looseheads is his ability in defence. Not just in terms of the sheer number of tackles he makes (He made more tackles than any of Wales' backs, all of whom played more games than him, in the Six Nations) and then his ability to turn the ball over at the breakdown. He's also a handy carrier, and, as his wonder try against Namibia showed, more than capable of providing sometimes extra that no other prop can.

2. Bismarck Du Plessis
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Kevin Mealamu, Rory Best
Having waited patiently behind John Smit, probably aware that he was undoubtedly better than his national captain, Du Plessis has really grasped his chance when it was given to him.Playing more like a number 8 in the loose yet a terrific scrummager and thrower in the tight, he now really deserves the praise heaped upon him for the past few seasons.

3. Adam Jones
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Ronnie Roncero, Martin Castrogiovanni
A good team is, 9 times out of 10, (Australia are the obvious exception, natch) built upon a good scrum. And, as such, a huge part of the teams success is based around its tighthead prop, the anchor of the scrum, the cornerstone of the pack, the man on whose shoulders (Literally) dominating or being dominated rests. And nobody is better at dominating opposition scrums than Adam Jones. Shane Williams' tries and Dan Biggars kick aside, the key reason the Ospreys won the Pro12 final, he's won enough kickable penalties at scrum time this season to make the government sit up and wonder whether they could be used as an alternative energy supply, such is the surplus. Utterly, utterly world class.

4. Richie Gray
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Ian Evans, Paul O'Connell
Richie Gray is incredible. About 900 feet tall and 8000 stone heavy, and that doesn't include the weight of hair dye. A stand-out player not just for his physical appearance, but for his style of play as well. He crashes through the line like nothing on this Earth, one of the most effective carrying second rows in the world as well as a very solid tackler and a brilliant line-out operator. Not just the best player in Scotland by a country mile (Or one stride for big Richie) but one of the top chuckers of a rugby ball in the world.

5. James Horwill
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Sam Whitelock, Alistair Kellock
You don't normally assosiate Australia with world-class tight-five forwards, but the Ozzie captain bucks that trend. One of the world's top line-out jumpers, Horwill is also a fine carrier of the ball and handy at the breakdown. Narrowly beats out Whitelock, despite the Kiwi's great form as of late, while I'm still very impressed by Scotland's Kellock, who, in my opinion, never should have lost their captaincy. But, yeah, Howill. He's great.

6. Thierry Dusautoir
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Danny Lydiate, Jerome Kaino
Look at the picture to the left. Study it closely. Cherish it. Because there won't be many like it. This is one of the incredibly rare moments in a game of rugby in which Dusatoir is not making a tackle or clearing out a ruck or generally getting through the level of work that normally an entire back row would be proud of on his own. Famed for his 38 tackles against the All Blacks in 2007, his man of the match, try scoring performance in last years World Cup final was fittingly the best I've seen a flanker play since that infamous quarter-final five years ago.Deservedly IRB World Player of the Year because, well, he is the best player in the world. There's no more to it.

7. David Pocock
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Richie McCaw, Sam Warburton
An absolutely outstanding player. Nabs turnovers like it's nobodies business, and not even the attention of Lydiate & Warburton could keep him quiet during the recent test series against Wales. He's also useful with the ball in hand and runs good support angles. Basically, he's everything you'd want a 7 to be. Warburton's dropped off this summer while McCaw isn't quite the player he once was, but is still a remarkable athlete. Honorable mentions for Ross Rennie of Scotland, who had a fantastic Six Nations and then went on to become the only player I've seen neutralise Pocock and Justin Tipuric, the young Ospreys openside who could and probably should have usurped Warburton by now and certainly has a big future ahead of him.

8. Sergio Parisse
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Juan Martin Ferandez Lobbe, Kieran Reed
The reason Italy are a respectable team. He abolutely carries the side on his hefty shoulders, relishing the captaincy and always leading from the front. Superb in every aspect of the game, he's head and shoulders above all other 8s in world rugby, combining the raw power of Lobbe or Morgan with the tackling of Faletau, skills of Reed and even emulating the great Zinzan Brooke with his ability to drop a goal and kick the ball with the best of fly halves. I can't think of a better player with whom to finish this post...

How Cosmopolis broke my mind

As anyone who ever looks at this will be acutely aware, I see a lot of films. If I'm correct, (I haven't counted lately) I've seen 32 different films this year. That's quite a few. My previous record in a year was about 13. We're only half way through, and the blockbuster summer's still to come. Every film is different and each one has prompted a different reaction from me. However, they tend to fit along the great washing line of emotion. If the end closest to the house on this metaphorical drying mechanism is 'It's good' and the furthest away if 'It's bad', you've got the likes of The Muppets, The Artist and Moonrise Kingdom plonked within view of the window, while Battleship and Top Cat are as far away as possible. Everything, even Dark Shadows which is only noteworthy because it was so un-noteworth, prompting no reaction from me whatsoever, slots calmly on that line to dangle for the rest of eternity, thanks to my particularly strong film-pegs. I know what I think. It's a system that works.

Or at least I thought I did until I saw Cosmopolis last night.

I can confirm that Cosmopolis is, most certainly, a film. There's a BBFC plaque at the start and a titles card, and actors, and some credits and I was certainly watching something. In fact, it was the same experience as watching any film. Light was being projected onto the screen. Only it was nothing like it. On the great washing line of logical film reviews, Cosmopolis is lying on the floor. I really, honestly have no idea what I thought of it. Not as in 'I have two contrasting opinions'. As in I litteraly had none. And that wasn't because it didn't prompt a reaction, Dark Shadows style. I found elements of it interesting- The ending, the way it leaves the long pauses in, the actual character of Eric Packer himself.  Robert Pattinson is actually very good in the lead role, just as I began to really tire of him (A combination of him being dire in Bel Ami and sitting through all the Twilight films back-to-back on depressing morning). His misery-centric act was a perfect fit for the buisness man who's gone beyond the point of dispair. There's a great scene involving the man from the control room in The Truman Show. And the way it cuts about is interesting.

But at the same time, all those things are flaws. Pattinson may be well-cast, but that's because both him and his character are miserable and annoying. The ending, without spoiling it, is quite abrupt and is as such also quite frustrating. The long pauses lead to a seemingly dull and broken film, although I was surprised by how not-bored I felt. The film seemed to demand your concentration, yet didn't reward it in any way. It's full of individual conversations that scarcely make sense in a 5-minute context, but make even less as part of a film.

My brain seems to fail to function whenever I think about the film. Was it a metaphor for life? For the economy? For happiness? If so, it's the exact opposite of my stupid washing line. My image is simple, clear and explained. Director David Cronenberg's is far too clever for its own good. Yes, it'd be good, but the purpose of a metaphor is to describe something, to help you say what you mean, not to baffle everybody involved. I doubt he knew what film he was making. A lot of it reeks of 'Because I can'. Why leave long pauses? Because he's an A-list director. Why cast an A-list actor? Because he made eXistanZ. Why make it so baffling? Because he bloody well can, that's why. I've managed to cram all the emotion Cosmopolis got out of me into under 800 words, and for a feeling-spewing machine such as myself, that's not good. There's absolutely no level of emotional engagement involved. I'm slowly beginning to work out the film, sort of, almost, but my brain has been strained an unbelievable amount in writing this. For all I know, Cosmopolis could be the best film of the year, it could be the worst. But it's certainly the most confusing experience anybody is ever likely to have at the cinema.

I Want To See These Things.

All the films ever? Yeah, the titles a lie. Firstly, it's only films I've seen in 2012, and secondly it's only covering the past and the present. The word 'Ever' is suppose to cover the future as well. This post is here to address that very issue. The rest of 2012 is filled with lots of exciting-looking films that I intend to see, as well as plenty of dross that I'll probably end up watch as well. This is a look at what I'm genuinely looking forward to in the remained of this year. In no particular order.

The Dark Knight Rises
OK, when I said 'No particular order', I lied. The Dark Knight Rises is, as it is with just about every other person on the planet, the film I'm most looking forward to. While, again, I'm not alone in thinking this, I'd perhaps rather had seen a different choice of villains, Christopher Nolan has not put a foot wrong in his entire movie-making career to date and, as such, I have faith in him to deliver an excellent film. The only problem? As the follow-up to what is undoubtedly the greatest superhero movie of all-time and one of the best films ever, end of, there's absolutely no way this can meet the high expectations placed upon it. Isn't there, Nolan...?

Looper
I like Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I don't mind Bruce Willis. But, more than that, I love ideas-led films. If a director has an interesting thought for a plotline, I want to see it, and Looper looks to be one of the boldest, most original films since Inception graced us with its also-starring-Gordon-Levitt-ness. The superb trailer explains a bizarre concept that I'm simply excited to see in full. And, even if there is no more to the film than the ideas in the trailer, I'm glad people are still getting their quirkier ideas made in today's film-by-committee era.



Wreck-It Ralph
Scott Pilgrim aside, the world is desperate short on game-literate movies. While there are plenty of attempts to convey video games in the cinematic landscape, the majority seem to be written by people with no obvious understanding of games, Edgar Wright's effort the proud exception. Not content with being a film about games, Wreck-It Ralph looks to set to become only second film to understand video games. The use of the likes of Bowser, Blinky, Eggman and Zangreif as well as an excellent Q*Bert gag that they put in the trailer, I'm holding out hope that this'll be more than your standard animated nonsense, and essentially be a gaming's equivelent of Toy Story.

Skyfall
It's the new 007 film. I don't really need to say more, do I?











Brave
If you forced me to select my top 10 films of all-time, it wouldn't be that outside a bet that a good 9 of the 10 would be Pixar films. As a result, it's utterly impossible to not look forward to the new picture from the wittiest company in the digital animation business. (I've had to craftily work my way round being able to include Aardman) This one's also set in Scotland, and I also like Scotland. Here's hoping they say that any trolls or monsters of any kind come from Glasgow, because it'd be funny.


The Amazing Spider-Man
While I did like Spider-Man 2, Sam Raimi's trilogy of Spidey films was really rather off- Toby MacGuire was too miserable, the tone was too downbeat and the colours too drained. With him now off doing Bond and that, (500) Days of Summer (Which I really liked) director Marc Webb, who I can presume only got it because of his name, steps in to make a far more fun-looking Spider-Man film. Andrew Garfield looks a massive improvement from misery McGuire, wisecracking and leaping around with rather nice hair. I'm really looking forward to this one coming out in a months time.


While there are other things I'm looking forward to watching, (Whisper it, but I'm all set to book my tickets to see Ice Age 4) there was nothing else I fancied writing a paragraph on (Well, that really showed with the Bond one, didn't it?) and as such I'm ending it there because this is my text document, and I'll end it when I want to, thank you very

The 2015 Masterplan

In 2007, the public in New Zealand were calling for Graham Henrys head. Undoubtedly the best team in the world had been knocked out in the Quarter-Finals by, of all teams, they French. A team known for their ability to capitulate at any moment had just gone and performed the impossible. While the victory can be put down to possibly the greatest individual performance in World Cup history from French skipper Thierry Dusautoir, (He made more tackles than the entire All Black XV put together, his figure of 38 still standing as the world record for a professional match) it was also blamed on the injury to Daniel Carter and Henry's lack of a Plan B. Instead of sacking him on the spot, the All Blacks management gave him a chance to find another way to cap what would undoubtedly be another four years as the world's best side.

Come 2011, on home soil, the All Blacks then did the impossible themselves and didn't choke. They held out and won the cup, Henry finding his holy grail before retiring. This isn't a million miles off the situation Wales find themselves in at this moment. Perhaps we're not the best team in the world (yet), but there were points in the match against Fiji, who had been a huge struggle for old Cymru in the past, in which Warren Gatland's men looked pretty unstoppable. Despite the pouring rain and pounding islanders, Wales continued to rack up try after try, playing arguably the most exciting, attacking rugby in the tournament. Even when tournament black horses Ireland came a-knocking, with huge odds in their favour and the presence of some of the best performers of the year in their starting line-up, Wales blew them aside emphatically. Unfortunately, some things happened in the following France match that I'd rather not talk about, and Wales found themselves out of the tournament.

However- We have seen the strength of Gatland's Plan A already, and we've also seen Kiwi-esque foresight from the WRU to keep Warren on as our head coach until the 2015 championship. The Union aren't the only ones with foresight, though, as the man himself has proven himself in the past 12 months to be possibly the world's best at spotting young talent. The likes of Rhys Priestland, Alex Cuthbert, Jonathan Davies, Scott Williams, George North, Justin Tipuric and Toby Faletau have all been transformed from decent club players & prospects to international, if not world, class performers.

However, we can't stop there. At the moment, we have more strength in depth than we have ever had. This is evident in the squad listing bellow, but every year, the Wales u20s team continues to churn out plenty of decent players who could, with a little bit of Gatland coaching, be easily turned into the kind of name that could have us troubling the top Southern Hemisphere sides. The fact he called Harry Robinson, with very little club experience, into the squad for the pre-Six Nations training camps shows that he intends to do this. We're already building a very healthy squad, but we can't be content with that. The All Blacks had to leave four or five genuine, big name players out of their squad on the strength of it alone. We want these issues.

But more important than matching the All Blacks is to beat them. At the moment, the 'Big Three' dominate world rugby. Whilst Wales are dominating the European scene, (Well, at international level, anyway) this, again, can't be enough and we must begin by winning at least two of the three games against Australia in the summer. Even one victory and two narrow losses should be considered a failure. Hoping and praying to win, as has been our approach for so long, is no longer how we should go about things. We must expect to win, and I'd say we're not far off having this approach nailed down. And these are the 50-odd players I believe could not only follow this through, but go on and potentially be a part of our set-up that goes forth and wins the World Cup in 2015...

WALES' DEPTH
Many of these are more aiming towards 2015 than realistic options for the here and now. And, of course, half the 2011 squad I wouldn't've heard of in '08, so we can hope for a few George Norths (Who was only 15!) along the road, too.

Loosehead Prop- Gethin Jenkins, Ryan Bevington, Paul James, Rhys Gill, Rhodri Jones
Hooker- Ken Owens, Matthew Rees, Richard Hibbard, Huw Bennett, Emyr Phillips, T Rhys Thomas, Gerwyn Price, Kirby Myhill, Sam Parry
Tighthead Prop- Adam Jones, Craig Mitchell, Aaron Jarvis, Scott Andrews, Joe Rees, Craig Cross
Second Row- Alun Wyn Jones, Ian Evans, Luke Charteris, Bradley Davies, Macaulay Cook, Cory Hill, Lou Reed, Dom Day, Daimen Welch, James Down
Blindside Flanker- Danny Lydiate, Ryan Jones, Aaron Shingler, James King, Lewis Evans, Michael Patterson, Rob McCusker, Jevon Groves
Openside Flanker- Sam Warburton, Justin Tipuric, Josh Turnbull, Josh Navidi, Darren Waters, Sam Lewis, Daniel Thomas
No. 8- Toby Faletau, Andy Powell, Andries Pretorious, Kieran Murphy, Luke Hamilton, Morgan Allen, Danny Baker

Scrum Half- Mike Phillips, Lloyd Williams, Rhys Webb, Tom Habberfield, Dwyane Peel, Tavis Knoyle, Gareth Davies, Aled Davies, Martin Roberts, Jon Evans, Lewis Jones
Fly Half- Rhys Priestland, James Hook, Dan Biggar, Jason Tovey, Lewis Robling, Steffan Jones, Matthew Morgan, Jordan Williams
Wingers- George North, Alex Cuthbert, Harry Robinson, Hanno Dirksen, Will Harries, Aled Brew, Eli Walker, Luke Morgan
Centre- Ashley Beck, Jamie Roberts, Jonathan Davies, Scott Williams, Gavin Henson, Adam Hughes, Owen Williams, Ashley Smith, Adam Warren, Nic Reynolds, Andrew Bishop, Jack Dixon, Cory Allen
Fullback- Leigh Halfpenny, Morgan Stoddart, Liam Williams, Lee Byrne, Tom Prydie, Halam Amos, Tom Prydie, Dan Fish

The best bit is, I know I'm missing people who are in with a very good shout of playing for Wales in 2013, never mind '15. This is what's most exciting about Welsh rugby at the moment. Not the good hands, quick feet or style of play, it's the ability we have to bring these players through and, here's hoping, we can make enough of 'em good enough to win that trophy in three years time...

An Education On Entertainment: The Shocking True Life Story

That title? It's also going to be the name of my third feature film.

Not too long ago, I made the decision to give up on this blog malarkey. Instead of actually writing lots of words to describe boring events and rather tame descriptions of films that I’d seen with lots of words, I’d simply add five of the blighters an a number onto one post, as I wanted a way to keep count now that I’m seeing more films, but without it actually involving much strain on me, although I do feel some pressure to try and add some wit to the vast ocean of pith on show.

It’s worth noting that the numbers don’t lie. Sometimes, I change my mind on a film a while after I’ve seen it. But while I dropped Woman in Black to a 5 from a 6, and I stand by that decisions, I have since made the judgment that I don’t want to rate films against others. This is a very rough scale of measurement- I’m trying to express both how I feel about what I’ve seen as a film and as a two-hour experience. While I might have given both Hugo and We Bought A Zoo 7/10, I’d say that I enjoyed WBAZ more, but the cinematic flair and know-how Scorsese showed was worth nothing less than that very mark. While those numbers aren’t telling big fat porkies, perhaps they’re not saying the whole truth.

But that’s the thing I’ve learnt about film over the past few months. Whereas before I liked to think I had a well-grounded view of the cinematic world, it’s only going to see two or three films a week that’s made me realise that –actually- I know nothing at all.  Previously, I’d exclusively see big releases and selected other films that nabbed my (Or, in most cases, a more hot-blooded friend) attention. However, I was always pining for films ‘About things’ and for my local multiplex to show some stuff that wasn’t focus grouped to death (This Means War, I’m still looking at you). While the list might not show this, perhaps only Pirates, Avengers and Hunger Games (And then probably one or two other pieces of tosh that just happen to be showing while I’m there) would have got my post-Unlimited Card buying dosh. The likes of 21 Jump Street (Which I feel I probably underrated in hinds sight) and the aforementioned We Bought a Zoo have really opened my eyes to the delights of the middle-of-the-line films that I’d previously unknowingly avoided. They have neither multi-million budgets nor interesting arthouse concepts, but more than delivered in the light entertainment stakes.

The question I wanted to ask myself here, really, before I got lost in a bit of a ramble, was just what this has taught me. A hackneyed, obvious question, yes, but then that’s fitting considering some of the clichéd tripe I’ve seen (This Means War, my beady eyes are yet to move). But, really, the one thing that’s come across more than anything else is that film is mad, film is bizzare and film is far harder to pin-down than anything else I’m aware of. With video games you’re given tens of hours in which to form an opinion, and often the choice to navigate your way around the dull bits, as well as the choice to drop it at any point. A book also lasts a fair while and, due to the incohesive nature of picking up and putting down, transitions suddenly seem unimportant. TV is a shortened form, designed for rewatching and continuation. Films are individual entities that finish in a few hours, during which time they need to establish, develop and finish with characters, scenarios and locations. They’re a medium that’s had time to mature, like books, but unlike their wordy friends, we have a more pre-conceived idea about what we do or do not like in a film. But whereas I knew exactly how I felt about Super Mario Galaxy when the credits rolled, and that ‘Genius’ label hadn’t slipped at all, having seen The Cabin in the Woods a good 10 hours ago now, I’m actually not sure how I felt about it, and am unsure as to whether or not I’ll ever be able to provide a conclusive answer. The first hour had me thinking it had film of the year potential, but one line of the script later and I’m right off it. As we only have 90-odd minutes to go on, every second is suddenly vital and every line of dialogue deserves pouring over, and more often than not, these things take time and I know that I’m… Not going to end this on an irrelevant Smith reference. Instead, I’ll simply keep soldiering on, watching these things and putting pithy and hopefully witty 5-word responses and stick with my numerical system that doesn’t quite work.

Wait, I thought you said you weren’t ending on an irrelevant Smiths reference?

I’m not. Didn’t you read that last sentence?

Bigmouth strikes again…

Telegraphed.

Hull

This evening, I signed up on Klout. For those unaware, Klout is a website that measures your social media standings and not only gives you a score based on it, but also offers you areas in which you are supposedly 'influential' and tells you who has not only the biggest influence on you, but also who you influence yourself. While this all sounded like rubbish to me, it quickly turned into a strangely compelling way to measure myself against the world. For instance, according to Klout, I'm only 13 points less influencial than Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

Whilst I might be more likely to actually reduce tuition fees, the ludicrousness of the system cannot be denied and was brought into further disrepute (That's not the word I'm looking for, but I'll use it anyway as nobody ever reads this.)  when looking at the topics on which I am influential. Apparently, people look to me as a beacon of Park-related understand. Yes, parks. After much musing I could only conclude that it must be my constant abuse of Mr. Daniel Arthur Parks of Scotland & the Cardiff Blues, yet I wouldn't say it's enough of a heckling to win me such status amongst the top anti-kicking fly-half ranks.

Here, in full, are my first Klout areas of influence in order. See if you agree with any of them- (I'm talking to myself again. Need to stop doing that.)

Politics
Parks
Wales
Poland
Eurovision Song Contest
Scotland
Family
Money
Rugby
Homework

Yes, I'm influential over homework. When kids all over the world look to go and sigh as they slowly answer times tables questions, they think of me and my almighty power over their opinions on the subject. Money & Politics, too. Well, I am also on a par with Nick Clegg...

But anyway, as the topic of this particular post hasn't shown, I'm going to MAKE myself influential in areas in which I see fit. The first is Hull, simply because I thought it would be funny to claim "Yes, I'm very influential in Hull" and watch people cower/gawp as they expect me to teach them the way of the back alley slashing. Instead, I tell them that I just tweeted the word a few times. Oh, how funny it would be.

I'm also currently only rated 41. I want to overtake Nick Clegg before the year is out. And I shall do this through tweeting about Hull. This Klout melarky is nonsense. But I'm really rather enjoying it...

Probably the Films of the Year Awards 2011

This blog is like an escape for me, one I haven't used very often. It means I can write about films, which is nice. Also, that poentially nobody will ever read it, but it's still there, lying published like some kind of ill newspaper. It means I can get away with that last sentance, and the fact that I can draw up a Films Of The Year list despite not having seen any of the real 'favourites' for the crown from those in the know- I wanted to see We Need To Talk About Kevin, but have a bunch of particuarly un-morbid friends. My many attempts to see Tinker Taylor Soilder Spy were thwarted time and time again by everything from a broken projector to a man being hit in the head with a dinner tray (Nobody reads, I don't have to explain). As such, the following list simply condems what I HAVE seen with an award, eventually leaving one to collect the coverted Ramblings Blobery Cup For Best Film 2011 Sponsered by Cillit Bang. (Not actually sponsered by Cillit Bang) And, even though I saw it this, no, sorry, last year, I'm counting The Kings Speech as a 2010 movie. Otherwise it would have won everything. Except whatever I'm about to give to Your Highness. That was a stinker.

BEST OTHERWISE GREAT ADAPTATION THAT RUINED THE BOOK'S ENDING: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two

I love Harry Potter. I've read all the books multiple times. I know the rules of Quiddich better than I do Cricket (Although, that said, most people do) and I also happen to have seen, and enjoyed, all the films. Personally, I hold the third book and sixth film as my favourites, although in both the seventh isn't far behind. In fact, all of David Yates' work has been outstanding to me, espechially as he turned the dullest book into a lively and exciting motion picture whilst handling the Order of the Pheonix. So imagine my disapoinment after leaving the cinema following my screening of the final film, having seen the incredibly rewarding ending JK Rowling had written turned into two blokes hitting each other with fireworks. For this, it gets an award of mixed praise.

Most fun rubbish: Real Steel
The broken projector when seeing TTSS I mentioned previously lead to me watching Real Steel, with the worst expectations having despised Transformers. However, just watching Real Steel shows where Michael Bay went wrong with his adaptation of a childrens toy. In trying to make it 'appeal' to an older audience with sex and violence, he purged it of the only thing a toy has going for it: fun. Real Steel was cheesey beyond belief. It has no real likeable characters, let alone notable plot or ideas. However, Real Steel is wonderfully directed and portrays a sense of appropriatly child-like joy in it's take on robots hitting each other. It's terrible, but absolutely teriffic. See it.

Worst Film To Involved A Minitor's Genitle Area: Your Highness

It's also the best film to flounce a horned creature's willy around as well by defult, but to call Your Highness the best anything is a compliment too far. It's a sad state of affairs when a film that boasts the tag "Funniest Film Of The Year" can't raise a single laugh from me, a robot created by scientists trying to identify what humour is, designed to laugh whenever there's a single trace of what you humans call 'Funniness' present. From the deeply uncomfortable scenes involving a paedophillic cannabis-smoking dragon to the general sense of dislike I couldn't help but feel for every single character in the whole piece, it's the worst film I saw in 2011 and is something I really don't want to experience again.

Film I Actually Did Find The Most Funniest Of The Year: Jonny English Reborn

This is not a 'Comedy of the Year' prize. It is an award for the film at which I laughed the most. And for that, there can only be one answer. It's the one with Mr Bean pretending to be James Bond. Perhaps it didn't have anything quite as funny as the best bits in the original, but the gags kept coming as if they'd been writing them for the past 8 years since the original was released. Obviously as a Rowan Atkinson fan, I can't recommend this highly enough. Unless you're looking for a film about a monarch trying to solve a stammer. Then I'd point you towards The Kings Speech.

OVERALL FILM OF THE YEAR (OR WHATEVER I CALLED IT EARLIER): Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Since I wrote my review of ROTPOTA in July, I've managed to see the two earliest Planet of the Apes films, and couldn't help but be blown away by them. Not only were they still culturaly relevent, but they also tied with ROTPOTA in the kind of the way that'd make you think that they were sequels to that, not the other way around. Even when I saw it, Rise was screaming out as a FOTY favourite, showcasing some of the best CGI I'd ever seen and a performance from James Franco that totally worked as an appology for him being involved in Your Highness. It was obviously made as a blockbuster, but it's a smart blockbuster. It's a proper film in it's own right, not just a money making excersize, unlike the majority of motion pictures I saw in 2011. Here's hoping 2012 follows ROTPOTA's lead and keeps the top two inches present admist any explosions.