Extracts from Baz Lurham's Great Gatsby novelisation

"Gatsby?" demanded Daisy "What Gatsby?". Suddenly, Baz Lurhman turns up, slaps her in the face and shouts "THIS GATSBY!".

I have only been drunk twice in my life, and the second time was when I met Baz Lurhman and he shoved thirty pints down my neck, an imperial ton of coke up my nose and made us both jump up and down like a little girl on a space hopper, shouting "I'm a camera! I'm a camera!".

"You can't repeat the past" "Repeat the past? ...Why, of course you can" "Yeah, you're probably right, Leo. I should've set Gatsby in the modern day and given them all bazookas."

The Post-Hollywood Mission

I'm bored of blockbusters. Big-budget fluff more often than not without substance. A prime example is this week's Star Trek Into Darkness, which is quite good fun, but not anything spectacular. Actually no, it is something spectacular. It's just not anything else.

The reason JJ Abrams' sci-fi cash spinner works and, say, Die Hard 5 doesn't is because Abrams appreciates the art of variety. John McClaine's latest run-out was deadly boring, a poorly paced snooze riot in which the constant exploding helicopters seem to be there for the sole purpose of keeping the audience awake. Abrams keeps Star Trek pacey and while it does feel like 85% of the film is action sequences, they are all different from the last and interesting on some level. The characters are engaging and likeable, which helps too.

Unfortunately, Into Darkness is one of a dying breed. Iron Man 3, the other big release at the moment, is a film saved by Robert Downey Jr and a brilliant script from director Shane Black and witty brit Drew Pearce. I'm willing to defend that. However, move a screen down in your local multiplex and you may stumble into a screening of Olympus Has Fallen, a sopurific exploration of the American ability to pat oneself on the back. It's awful. It's the film more indicitive of the current market. In the past year and a half (The time since I've been an all-too-regular cinema-goer and therefore able to give an acturate account of what's been floating around), I've only given 4 big-budget titles (5 if you count Lincoln) the prestigious 8/10 rating. One of these was directed by Christiphor Nolan as well, so it doesn't really count. The Hunger Games was brilliantly gritty. It felt like a smaller, independent film by a good, well-meaning director with an interesting premise and glimmering lead given the budget it deserved, rather than a pile of money thrown at the screen until it turned into motion picture. Skyfall was an utter triumpth on every level, but this must be attributed to Sam Mendez. An art-house director with an eye for character just happened to be a genius at directing action as well, melding together a near-perfect Bond film. Same goes for Nolan and The Dark Knight Rises. There's a pattern here. At heart, these were smaller films, and would have worked without the money. Hollywood just gave them a chance to fulfill their entire potential, which is how I believe the system should work. The Avengers is something different, and the only reason I haven't lost all faith in the Tinsel Town set-up. In Joss Wheddon, Marvel found someone talented enough to turn the cash lobbed at the projector into something witty, exciting and imaginative. If we had more Joss Wheddons in the world, Hollywood would be a better place.

Unfortunately, we don't. We do, however, have plenty of interesting filmmakers plying their trade at the minute, giving us plenty to admire. The likes of Liberal Arts, In The House, Sightseers have all come out of the left field and made an impact on me. Films from all over the globe, not just one corner of LA or the same studio in London. Sightseers was filmed in the Yorkshire Dales, for crying out loud. This is, over the past 18 months, what going to the cinema has become for me. Not a mode of light entertainment, but a hunt. A hunt for a piece of art, for a film that really means something. In amongst the mass-produced tripe lay the gems. Find them. That's my calling. Dawdle down the coridors of Cineworld, and find them.

And find them I will.

Gatsby joke I couldn't fit on Twitter

I once said that Carey Mulligan's Eyes should have won the Oscar for Never Let Me Go. I've just discovered that her rival for the role of Daisy in the Great Gatsby was Amanda Seyfried, who has peepers so big they were listed seperately on the Les Miserable cast list.

Problems I have with 'On The Metro' by Girls Aloud

Catchy tune, granted, but I have some real problems with the lyrics and the story being told in them. Perhaps I've been thinking about it too much. I've definately been listening to it too much.

1. There's five members of Girls Aloud. All of them sing about the same bloke at one point or another. This leaves three option. The first is that they've had the same experience, with a man disappearing after they come back from powdering their nose. You'd have thought, considering how deeply it affected them, they'd have told the others, and they could have avoided popping off to the 'powder room' when they meet a guy they really like. Unless there's a secret underground league of men who go to discos with the sole aim of upsetting a member of a girl group, spotting Cheryl Cole and moving in to try and cause her to cry on her way home, with their colleague having done exactly the same thing to Nicola Roberts the night before. The second option is that the girls can merge into one person, kind of like the Megazord in Power Rangers. The third is that when they say 'A little one-to-one', they mean 'A little five-to-one', with all of them obsessing over the same boy. If this is the case, I think he was well within his rights to do a runner.