It's World XV Time!

Well, that's it. The rugby season is over. Everything seems slightly pointless now, as we wait two months or so as nothing really happens but boring pre-season friendlies, obscure signings and rumours suddenly become interesting. There must be a better way to entertain the rugger-centric part of my brain in the meantime. Oh, I could always address the classic 'World XV' question. Yes, I'll do that. In my opinion, here's the best player from each position in the world. That's all.

15. Israel Dagg
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Leigh Halfpenny, Lucas Gonzalez Amorosino

The stand-out player in the All Blacks' World Cup triumpth in my opinion, and has backed it up since by simply being a brilliantly rounded fullback. While Halfpenny has been incredibly solid since his move to the back and Amorosino remains one of my favourite players in the world, Dagg combines the Welshman's defensive qualities and kicking with the pure flair of the Argentine. Makes up for his ultra-slappable face.

14. George North
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Tommy Bowe, Vincent Clerc
I was sat in the north stand of the Millennium Stadium as, during this years Six Nations, Italy made a loose kick that went straight into the hands of George North. North turned round and looked to counter attack. The collective sense of excitement and anticipation was something I hadn't felt since Shane Williams was at his pinnacle in 2008. In the 11 shirt, Wales once more had a winger who could turn a game. He characterises both the typical Welsh number 14, a spark with great feet who could start and finish tries, as well as fitting the current blueprints for a 21st century winger- A Lomu-style lump who finishes like it's nobodies business. The best teenager to ever play the game. End of.

13. Brian O'Driscoll
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Conrad Smith, Jonathan Davies
I'll admit it: The great mans' powers are fading. I'd argue the case for him being greatest outside centre of all time, but in the recent test series against New Zealand you could almost see this shirt swinging in Conrad Smith's favour. I was looking for a picture of Smith to put here. Then I remembered the Heineken Cup final and how instrumental O'Driscoll was in breaking Ulsters' spirits. Perhaps he's become more likely to have quiet games, but when O'Driscoll's on top of his game, he's still the arguably the best player in the world and as such deserves this shirt.

12. Seilala Mapusua
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Sonny Bill Williams, Jamie Roberts
Somewhat of a controversial choice here, but I think Mapusua is an absolutely remarkable player. While Sonny Bill Williams is close to having built an all-round game and Roberts provides even more crash-bang-wallop than the Samoan, I doubt we'll ever see a more creative player in the frame of the former London Irish man. He offloads like Williams, crashes it up like Roberts, picks lines like Fofana, tackles like any Samoan and has alarmingly deft hands and an eye for an intercept. Most men his size purely use that. Mapusua reads the game and plays using the whole range of skills. And, as such, in my eyes, he's the best 12 in the world.

11. Digby Ioane
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Bryan Habana, Alesana Tuilagi
Defensive plan for beating Australia: Close down Genia quickly. Put pressure on Cooper (Provided he's playing, natch). And don't, don't, under any circumstances, let Ioane get the ball. Very few players break the line with the ease Ioane does, and even fewer know how to finish those chances like him. Solidly built, extremely quick and deceptively elusive, he's a spark, he's a poacher, he's generally world class. Such an exciting player that even in opposition, you can't help but hope that he does end up with the ball...

10. Dan Carter
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Francois Trinh-Duc, Aaron Cruden
Who else? For all of two seconds I thought about selecting Frances' Trinh-Duc or Argentinas' Juan Martin Hernandez for the sake of being controversial, because both are incredibly classy players and amongst my favourites, but Dan is, indeed, the man. He pulls the strings, the puppet that is the All Blacks operates beautifully. Fellow Kiwi Cruden has lately looked incredibly lively and so sneaks onto the 'Bubbling under' list, but nobody can grab a game by the scruff of the neck and drag it through the victory machine like Daniel William Carter.

9. Will Genia
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Francois Hoogard, Mike Blair
Yeah, Genia's brilliant. he's got it all. The first test against Wales in Queensland was a masterclass in scrum half play. I don't really have to say any more. Hoogard has really, really impressed me this summer, having been good in both the World Cup and last Tri-Nations while Blair is a massively underrated player, but a far better rugby brain and not to mention service than the massively overrated Mike Phillips.

1. Gethin Jenkins
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Tony Woodcock, Tendai 'Beast' Mtwareria
A strong scrummager, but where Geth gets his edge over the other quality looseheads is his ability in defence. Not just in terms of the sheer number of tackles he makes (He made more tackles than any of Wales' backs, all of whom played more games than him, in the Six Nations) and then his ability to turn the ball over at the breakdown. He's also a handy carrier, and, as his wonder try against Namibia showed, more than capable of providing sometimes extra that no other prop can.

2. Bismarck Du Plessis
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Kevin Mealamu, Rory Best
Having waited patiently behind John Smit, probably aware that he was undoubtedly better than his national captain, Du Plessis has really grasped his chance when it was given to him.Playing more like a number 8 in the loose yet a terrific scrummager and thrower in the tight, he now really deserves the praise heaped upon him for the past few seasons.

3. Adam Jones
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Ronnie Roncero, Martin Castrogiovanni
A good team is, 9 times out of 10, (Australia are the obvious exception, natch) built upon a good scrum. And, as such, a huge part of the teams success is based around its tighthead prop, the anchor of the scrum, the cornerstone of the pack, the man on whose shoulders (Literally) dominating or being dominated rests. And nobody is better at dominating opposition scrums than Adam Jones. Shane Williams' tries and Dan Biggars kick aside, the key reason the Ospreys won the Pro12 final, he's won enough kickable penalties at scrum time this season to make the government sit up and wonder whether they could be used as an alternative energy supply, such is the surplus. Utterly, utterly world class.

4. Richie Gray
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Ian Evans, Paul O'Connell
Richie Gray is incredible. About 900 feet tall and 8000 stone heavy, and that doesn't include the weight of hair dye. A stand-out player not just for his physical appearance, but for his style of play as well. He crashes through the line like nothing on this Earth, one of the most effective carrying second rows in the world as well as a very solid tackler and a brilliant line-out operator. Not just the best player in Scotland by a country mile (Or one stride for big Richie) but one of the top chuckers of a rugby ball in the world.

5. James Horwill
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Sam Whitelock, Alistair Kellock
You don't normally assosiate Australia with world-class tight-five forwards, but the Ozzie captain bucks that trend. One of the world's top line-out jumpers, Horwill is also a fine carrier of the ball and handy at the breakdown. Narrowly beats out Whitelock, despite the Kiwi's great form as of late, while I'm still very impressed by Scotland's Kellock, who, in my opinion, never should have lost their captaincy. But, yeah, Howill. He's great.

6. Thierry Dusautoir
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Danny Lydiate, Jerome Kaino
Look at the picture to the left. Study it closely. Cherish it. Because there won't be many like it. This is one of the incredibly rare moments in a game of rugby in which Dusatoir is not making a tackle or clearing out a ruck or generally getting through the level of work that normally an entire back row would be proud of on his own. Famed for his 38 tackles against the All Blacks in 2007, his man of the match, try scoring performance in last years World Cup final was fittingly the best I've seen a flanker play since that infamous quarter-final five years ago.Deservedly IRB World Player of the Year because, well, he is the best player in the world. There's no more to it.

7. David Pocock
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Richie McCaw, Sam Warburton
An absolutely outstanding player. Nabs turnovers like it's nobodies business, and not even the attention of Lydiate & Warburton could keep him quiet during the recent test series against Wales. He's also useful with the ball in hand and runs good support angles. Basically, he's everything you'd want a 7 to be. Warburton's dropped off this summer while McCaw isn't quite the player he once was, but is still a remarkable athlete. Honorable mentions for Ross Rennie of Scotland, who had a fantastic Six Nations and then went on to become the only player I've seen neutralise Pocock and Justin Tipuric, the young Ospreys openside who could and probably should have usurped Warburton by now and certainly has a big future ahead of him.

8. Sergio Parisse
Close but no hypothetical cigar: Juan Martin Ferandez Lobbe, Kieran Reed
The reason Italy are a respectable team. He abolutely carries the side on his hefty shoulders, relishing the captaincy and always leading from the front. Superb in every aspect of the game, he's head and shoulders above all other 8s in world rugby, combining the raw power of Lobbe or Morgan with the tackling of Faletau, skills of Reed and even emulating the great Zinzan Brooke with his ability to drop a goal and kick the ball with the best of fly halves. I can't think of a better player with whom to finish this post...

How Cosmopolis broke my mind

As anyone who ever looks at this will be acutely aware, I see a lot of films. If I'm correct, (I haven't counted lately) I've seen 32 different films this year. That's quite a few. My previous record in a year was about 13. We're only half way through, and the blockbuster summer's still to come. Every film is different and each one has prompted a different reaction from me. However, they tend to fit along the great washing line of emotion. If the end closest to the house on this metaphorical drying mechanism is 'It's good' and the furthest away if 'It's bad', you've got the likes of The Muppets, The Artist and Moonrise Kingdom plonked within view of the window, while Battleship and Top Cat are as far away as possible. Everything, even Dark Shadows which is only noteworthy because it was so un-noteworth, prompting no reaction from me whatsoever, slots calmly on that line to dangle for the rest of eternity, thanks to my particularly strong film-pegs. I know what I think. It's a system that works.

Or at least I thought I did until I saw Cosmopolis last night.

I can confirm that Cosmopolis is, most certainly, a film. There's a BBFC plaque at the start and a titles card, and actors, and some credits and I was certainly watching something. In fact, it was the same experience as watching any film. Light was being projected onto the screen. Only it was nothing like it. On the great washing line of logical film reviews, Cosmopolis is lying on the floor. I really, honestly have no idea what I thought of it. Not as in 'I have two contrasting opinions'. As in I litteraly had none. And that wasn't because it didn't prompt a reaction, Dark Shadows style. I found elements of it interesting- The ending, the way it leaves the long pauses in, the actual character of Eric Packer himself.  Robert Pattinson is actually very good in the lead role, just as I began to really tire of him (A combination of him being dire in Bel Ami and sitting through all the Twilight films back-to-back on depressing morning). His misery-centric act was a perfect fit for the buisness man who's gone beyond the point of dispair. There's a great scene involving the man from the control room in The Truman Show. And the way it cuts about is interesting.

But at the same time, all those things are flaws. Pattinson may be well-cast, but that's because both him and his character are miserable and annoying. The ending, without spoiling it, is quite abrupt and is as such also quite frustrating. The long pauses lead to a seemingly dull and broken film, although I was surprised by how not-bored I felt. The film seemed to demand your concentration, yet didn't reward it in any way. It's full of individual conversations that scarcely make sense in a 5-minute context, but make even less as part of a film.

My brain seems to fail to function whenever I think about the film. Was it a metaphor for life? For the economy? For happiness? If so, it's the exact opposite of my stupid washing line. My image is simple, clear and explained. Director David Cronenberg's is far too clever for its own good. Yes, it'd be good, but the purpose of a metaphor is to describe something, to help you say what you mean, not to baffle everybody involved. I doubt he knew what film he was making. A lot of it reeks of 'Because I can'. Why leave long pauses? Because he's an A-list director. Why cast an A-list actor? Because he made eXistanZ. Why make it so baffling? Because he bloody well can, that's why. I've managed to cram all the emotion Cosmopolis got out of me into under 800 words, and for a feeling-spewing machine such as myself, that's not good. There's absolutely no level of emotional engagement involved. I'm slowly beginning to work out the film, sort of, almost, but my brain has been strained an unbelievable amount in writing this. For all I know, Cosmopolis could be the best film of the year, it could be the worst. But it's certainly the most confusing experience anybody is ever likely to have at the cinema.

I Want To See These Things.

All the films ever? Yeah, the titles a lie. Firstly, it's only films I've seen in 2012, and secondly it's only covering the past and the present. The word 'Ever' is suppose to cover the future as well. This post is here to address that very issue. The rest of 2012 is filled with lots of exciting-looking films that I intend to see, as well as plenty of dross that I'll probably end up watch as well. This is a look at what I'm genuinely looking forward to in the remained of this year. In no particular order.

The Dark Knight Rises
OK, when I said 'No particular order', I lied. The Dark Knight Rises is, as it is with just about every other person on the planet, the film I'm most looking forward to. While, again, I'm not alone in thinking this, I'd perhaps rather had seen a different choice of villains, Christopher Nolan has not put a foot wrong in his entire movie-making career to date and, as such, I have faith in him to deliver an excellent film. The only problem? As the follow-up to what is undoubtedly the greatest superhero movie of all-time and one of the best films ever, end of, there's absolutely no way this can meet the high expectations placed upon it. Isn't there, Nolan...?

Looper
I like Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I don't mind Bruce Willis. But, more than that, I love ideas-led films. If a director has an interesting thought for a plotline, I want to see it, and Looper looks to be one of the boldest, most original films since Inception graced us with its also-starring-Gordon-Levitt-ness. The superb trailer explains a bizarre concept that I'm simply excited to see in full. And, even if there is no more to the film than the ideas in the trailer, I'm glad people are still getting their quirkier ideas made in today's film-by-committee era.



Wreck-It Ralph
Scott Pilgrim aside, the world is desperate short on game-literate movies. While there are plenty of attempts to convey video games in the cinematic landscape, the majority seem to be written by people with no obvious understanding of games, Edgar Wright's effort the proud exception. Not content with being a film about games, Wreck-It Ralph looks to set to become only second film to understand video games. The use of the likes of Bowser, Blinky, Eggman and Zangreif as well as an excellent Q*Bert gag that they put in the trailer, I'm holding out hope that this'll be more than your standard animated nonsense, and essentially be a gaming's equivelent of Toy Story.

Skyfall
It's the new 007 film. I don't really need to say more, do I?











Brave
If you forced me to select my top 10 films of all-time, it wouldn't be that outside a bet that a good 9 of the 10 would be Pixar films. As a result, it's utterly impossible to not look forward to the new picture from the wittiest company in the digital animation business. (I've had to craftily work my way round being able to include Aardman) This one's also set in Scotland, and I also like Scotland. Here's hoping they say that any trolls or monsters of any kind come from Glasgow, because it'd be funny.


The Amazing Spider-Man
While I did like Spider-Man 2, Sam Raimi's trilogy of Spidey films was really rather off- Toby MacGuire was too miserable, the tone was too downbeat and the colours too drained. With him now off doing Bond and that, (500) Days of Summer (Which I really liked) director Marc Webb, who I can presume only got it because of his name, steps in to make a far more fun-looking Spider-Man film. Andrew Garfield looks a massive improvement from misery McGuire, wisecracking and leaping around with rather nice hair. I'm really looking forward to this one coming out in a months time.


While there are other things I'm looking forward to watching, (Whisper it, but I'm all set to book my tickets to see Ice Age 4) there was nothing else I fancied writing a paragraph on (Well, that really showed with the Bond one, didn't it?) and as such I'm ending it there because this is my text document, and I'll end it when I want to, thank you very